Sunday, March 05, 2006

I'm a traitor!

I betrayed myself and went to a book store other than Barnes & Noble last night. :::GASP::: I actually would have gone there, but I couldn't find one in the area I was in so I ended up at Borders. I have no idea how that place stays in business. Their selection of books sucks. Despite appearing to be the same size as B&N, Borders has half the selection of everything. Maybe it's because of the cd/dvd section. Why a book store would offer music & videos is beyond me.

Anyway, I did buy something. That irresistible urge was there to spend so I managed to find a journal worth buying. I've already ripped off all the labels so it now has just a simple black cover, but I think the thing has about 200 pages if I remember correctly; and unlike 90% of the other journals they had there, this one doesn't have the wide line spacing. I should be able to write a great deal of stuff in it. I'm going to still keep this blog as well. I just seem to have a lot of thoughts lost in my head and I don't always have access to the computer when something worthwhile pops up that I want to get out.

I remember when I was in the hospital for two months back in '04, actually two years ago today I was starting my second month of captivity. I filled four & a half notebooks. I was just constantly writing. It didn't seem to make a lot of difference in how I was feeling cuz as I've mentioned in the past....the reason behind why I journal and blog is simply to get some of the crap out of my head to make room for more. There's a never ending barrage of information, thoughts and feelings that I swear my head would burst open if I kept it all bottled up inside.

Today the depression is about a 3 out of 5. I have that lost feeling. Not quite sure what to do with myself because nothing seems interesting. I've got the laundry going and finally changed out of my pajamas. Other than that I have yet to do much of anything.

It's snowing outside, FINALLY we're getting some snow! Yet as much as I want to get dressed and take a nice long walk to be out in it, there's no energy to move from this spot. No will power to make myself get up and do it. Think I'll simply move from this spot to the couch, turn off the lights and fall asleep in front of the tv.

4 Comments:

Blogger Joel said...

I miss constant writing. If they catch you doing it, they begin to symptomize it.

I just tell 'em where they can go.

10:24 PM, March 05, 2006  
Blogger Polar Bear said...

Wish we had B&N here. There's nothing even remotely close to Borders, here in small town NZ. I really miss the big bookstores I used to love in North America.

Hang in there, Sid!
Hugs
Polar Bear

12:32 AM, March 06, 2006  
Blogger Cinthia said...

Personally I think writing is the best self-therapy there is. It's amazing how prolific a writer you are. My hand gets tired when I write more than a page, so I get lazy about writing in my regular diary that often. Typing is so much easier for me, but you're right, you can't have access to a computer all the time. I'm glad you have an outlet for all those runaway thoughts. Keep it up.

7:21 PM, March 06, 2006  
Blogger ECLIPSE said...

If I've had a crisis, I tend to write ... I have a large notebook ... scrawl my thoughts, insights, feelings or whatever on the pages (in this case, re the involvement I had), aiming to tear up the notebook when I run out of pages as I wouldn't want anyone reading my innermost stuff. Some of it I could have posted online, I suppose. But I tend to go over old ground ... it's fairly boring. But it somehow helps me.

7:09 AM, March 09, 2006  

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