Paranoid

I've begun having the paranoid thoughts again. I'm paranoid that my bank is canceling my Visa checkcard and that's why I haven't received a new one yet. That they are going to close my account altogether because of the impending bankruptcy and the debt the ex owes them.

I'm paranoid that our little getaway this week will turn into a disaster because I will run out of money and we won't be able to even eat.

I'm paranoid that someone has hacked into my computer and so I randomly shut it off in hopes of disconnecting them.

Paranoid that my family is secretly planning something behind my back like kicking me out of the house.

Paranoid that the people I call my friends actually all know each other and I'm just some weird experiment they're working on, like I'm some freak show attraction to them.

Paranoid because I hear whispers around me, and I think they are talking about me.

I've been paranoid that the ex is dating or at least fucking someone else.

I have no evidence that any of the above is fact. I keep trying to convince myself that they aren't true, that it is just paranoia. But there's that part of me I can't get thru to. Can't get it to believe this isn't reality. A part that keeps making these accusations in my head and I can't get it to shut up.