Different place

I sought relief during the few moments I was awake yesterday and today, using my usual weapon of choice. Didn't have the effect I was hoping for. It felt unnatural, as if I'd never done it before. I think it's the large quantities of meds I've been using to keep myself sedated that have numbed me to everything.

Earlier I'd read the posts leading up to the hospitalizations I've had since I started this blog. Wanted to see if I was in the same place now that I'd been in previously, smothered in darkness with the only light being along the path to death's door. Couldn't make a connection with where I'm now at. Seems like a completely different place.

It's hard when you don't recognize yourself. Is this the person I was destined to be? Or is there someone else on the other side? I haven't the strength to search for answers. Barely have the physical strength to sit upright.

Back to my sanctuary. Back to being hidden from view. Back to being the forgotten. That's all I can handle right now.