Tuesday, May 09, 2006


Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

*Lyrics from 'Hate Me' by Blue October

My daughter is going to hate me, probably more than I have ever hated myself. I don't know what to do except cry. I haven't the strength to do anything else, I'm so tired.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sid I dont like you talking this way. Your daughter will never hate you, and there will never be a reason for her to. Your going to be o.k, you'll pull through this you always do.
God is watching out for you, I know it.
Dont make any decisions just lye down and take deep breaths. Get some sleep, dont think about anything just clear your mind and close your eyes. I'm praying for you. Ill be checking in on you, get some rest.

Many hugs,

1:06 AM, May 10, 2006  
Anonymous kristina said...

You're not going to do it. You won't leave your daughter. I know you are hanging in there because you want to live. Live for her right now. Live for her. She loves you and needs you no matter what you feel about yourself. She needs your smiles, your hugs, your kisses, YOUR PRESENCE. STAY FOR HER.

10:03 AM, May 10, 2006  
Blogger Dr. Deborah Serani said...

YOur daughter needs you desperately and you her. Keep fighting for your strength. And please make sure you share with your therapist all these big feelings you are experiencing.

11:19 AM, May 10, 2006  
Blogger mizeeyore said...

i'm with Billy. i dont like you talking this way, Sid. YOUR DAUGHTER NEEDS YOU. SHE LOVES YOU AND YOU LOVE HER. like Kristina said, your baby needs your love, your encouragement, your strength, your hugs and kisses. dont do this to her Sid. no one else could ever love her the way you have. no one else could give her the encouragement and support the way you have. please, for the love of all that's holy and sacred, live for HER. you gave her life, dont take yours away from her.

i understand how you feel and have been there, but my girls are what keeps me alive. my girls love me regardless, and i love them with all my heart. to leave them would be a tragedy. it would be the same for your daughter too.

please, please Sid. hang in there hon...for your daughter's sake.

much love

p.s. i will have my Yahoo IM on if you need to talk or you reach crisis level.

2:09 PM, May 10, 2006  
Blogger James said...


Remember awhile back when we all said you were a cool mom? Well you ARE a cool mom and leaving your daughter isn't cool.

I agree that you shouldn't be trying to do too much right now. Get plenty of sleep, make sure to keep talking and reaching out to us and your therapist.

Do some deep breathing...try some meditation maybe. Look up some articles on it..throw yourself into something positive and very helpful like that. Go for a walk, watch funny movies. Let me know if you want to know some tips on meditating.

4:32 PM, May 10, 2006  
Blogger sansanity said...

Sid hang in there. just get in the bed and rest. it's why i take to my bed when i have too--i can't harm myself if i am resting. i lose myself in movies or books or intricate daydreams.

no matter what you would say to try to explain, your daughter would feel like SHE did something (or didn't do something) and it is her fault. you can't leave her with that.

6:55 PM, May 10, 2006  

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