Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Sickly Sid

Today consisted of sleeping, playing chauffeur and vomiting. Ah, what an exciting day. Wish I could have more days like this. NOT. I have no idea what the hell is wrong with me physically, but I sure as hell hope it ends soon. I hate, HATE feeling so sickly.

The vomiting was self-induced. I've tried everything I can think of to get rid of the nausea but nothing has helped. So I grabbed my toothbrush and shoved it to the back of my throat in hopes that emptying my stomach would be the solution. Tomorrow I plan on not eating anything in hopes that I won't be nauseous or need to vomit.

The kiddie and I have appointments at the salon tomorrow afternoon. Gawd only knows how long we'll be there. She's getting her hair bleached out so she can get it colored a lighter, brighter shade of red...kind of like this. I'm just doing my normal, deep red. Plus we're both in need of haircuts too. Just hope I can handle sitting there smelling all that hair dye and styling products without barfing.

My younger sister forwarded an email to me that she got from our other sister who lives in another state. It's nice that someone hears from her and that her family hasn't all been slaughtered or something. I have no idea why she refuses to talk to me. Never emails, calls or writes. No contact whatsoever unless I send her an email (she doesn't ever respond to them tho) or the monthly check I send to try and pay her back for helping me out after the ex left. I didn't send her a check this month cuz I'm low on funds; and she hasn't even bothered to inquire if maybe I had sent it & it got lost in the mail.

It hurts to be rejected by her. I won't go into details why because it's more than just a sister or family bond. She was like a surrogate mother to myself and our younger sister. First to be rejected by my real mother, then to be rejected by my surrogate one. Makes me feel like I'm dead on to feel I shouldn't be alive. That there must be something inherently wrong with me to always be rejected by people.


Blogger Joel said...

Poor Sid. It sounds like life is eating you alive. I'm here if you want to IM or send me email. And you can have my phone number if you need it. Persist, dear Sid. Persist.

4:09 PM, April 27, 2006  
Blogger sansanity said...

Sid i used to feel that way (the rejection by mom, not the vomiting, although sometimes the vomiting--and i make myself throw up to get rid of nausea too). ok where was i? right, mom... well i realized one day that she is flawed and i seem to push her buttons--it's not that i am a bad person. it is just that it is difficult because you can't really choose family.
hope you are feeling better soon!

8:40 PM, April 27, 2006  

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