Not the wisest decision

Cancelled on my therapist yesterday, but today I decided I'd better go to DBT group despite being so sick. It was a dilemma trying to figure out what to do because we're working on the relationship section, the one I've been waiting for so I can hopefully figure things out with the ex, and I don't want to miss too much of the discussion. I missed group two weeks ago cuz of the kiddie's orchestra concert and I will again miss group in two weeks cuz of another orchestra concert. So I chose to go today.

Probably not the wisest decision I've made lately. I was practically in tears the whole time because I felt so shitty and that's making my depression all the more unbearable. Think I should have just stayed home. Today's discussion was all about challenging negative thoughts and reciting positive affirmations. I must be stupid cuz I'm not seeing the link between those and relationships. Of course when your brain is being fried by a 102 temperature, there isn't a whole lot of anything that makes sense.

I really hope I feel better by the weekend. We're supposed to be driving up to Milwaukee on Sunday for the Alkaline Trio concert. I still can't decide if we should get a hotel room or if I should just drive home afterwards. Need to be home on Monday by 1:30 pm cuz I see my T at 2 pm and then see my pdoc after that.

I'm so not ready for all of the things coming up in the next month. If this depression doesn't let up, the ex is going to have to take the kiddie to all these things alone. Who am I kidding? I'll force myself to go to everything on the schedule just so I won't have to deal with the guilt of not being there to support my daughter because I'm depressed.

Just rereading that last line makes me feel like a fucking idiot for not being able to get a handle on things. I told the group that I would love to check myself into the hospital but that I can't because of all these activities coming up. This fever must really be burning up brain cells fast. I hate being in the fucking hospital and most times I haven't gone willingly.

Best drug up the brain immediately, cuz it's starting to wander and not make any sense.