Wednesday, May 17, 2006

I'll say it again

I've said this before and I'll say it again....I JUST WANT TO BE ABLE TO FALL ASLEEP LIKE A NORMAL PERSON DAMMIT!! Didn't bother with the Seroquel last nite. Was hoping that if I tried one of the relaxation techniques we've learned in DBT that I might actually be able to fall asleep without being doped up. As always happens, I haven't slept at all in the last 36 hours.

I don't want to be a slave to medications just to fall asleep. It seems so damn ridiculous to me. I didn't even have a problem falling asleep until I went off the deep end in 2003. Just seems that the longer I stay on the Seroquel, the worse the problem becomes. My body is struggling to fight the lack of sleep and desperately needs a rest, but my brain is still wide fucking awake and I'm aware that sleep will elude me until I give in and take the meds.

Makes me wonder if the drug companies deliberately cause the reliance on their medications as a way to keep you hooked, as if it were heroin; or am I simply that far gone mentally that I've just become unable to control and calm my own brain.


Blogger James said...

That's no fun that you can't achieve sleep without meds. I'm the same way and sleep is sooo important for us. I wish that I didn't have to take seroquel either but without sleep things fall apart for me in a hurry. I would keep taking the stuff even though you don't want to. I don't want to either but it works for me. Maybe you can try another drug (I know it sucks to have to keep switching drugs around). However, don't give up hope sweet stuff. I'm constantly thinking about you and praying for your peace and tranquility.

Hope that you find sleep soon angel.

10:59 AM, May 18, 2006  
Blogger Maggs said...

right with you. i added seroquel to my lunesta cocktail. keep needing more and more pills.

9:54 PM, May 19, 2006  
Blogger Marie said...

omg--i could have written that post--i want off but it seems i need more and more to turn my mind off to sleep--i go down a pill only to go back up, sometimes even higher--i need sleep--but i too want it without pills--i can so sympathize with you...

11:28 AM, May 22, 2006  
Anonymous Daniel Haszard said...

Appreciate your blog,mental health consumers are the least capable of self advocacy,my doctors made me take zyprexa for 4 years which was ineffective for my symptoms.I now have a victims support page against Eli Lilly for it's Zyprexa product causing my diabetes.--Daniel Haszard

1:38 PM, May 30, 2006  

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