Monday, May 15, 2006

Word of the day....


Definition - constraining force or influence as:
1: a force exerted when one body or body part presses on, pulls on, pushes against, or tends to compress or twist another body or body part; especially : the intensity of this mutual force commonly expressed in pounds per square inch
2: the deformation caused in a body by such a force
3: a physical, chemical, or emotional factor that causes bodily or mental tension and may be a factor in disease causation
4: a state resulting from a stress; especially : one of bodily or mental tension resulting from factors that tend to alter an existent equilibrium

Stress to me is:

1. Dealing with an insurance company and having to do their job for them. Turns out Medicare sent the correct info to BlueCross because the Kansas office of BlueCross has the information about me having no deductible & stuff and even sent two letters which I received today stating so. But the BlueCross office in Texas which is telling me I have to pay $300+ to get my prescriptions doesn't have this info. Instead of correcting their own mistake, they told me I had to fax a copy of the letter (the one that's basically from them cuz it fucking reads BLUECROSS at the top). I even bitched my way up the chain of command but got the same damn response. Shouldn't they have just fucking called their Kansas office instead of me trying to find a fucking fax machine to use to do their job??

2. Waiting for the promised call from Medicare which never came. On Friday they said I'd hear back from them today, which I had a feeling they wouldn't do. I'm going to track the days until someone actually calls me back. This was only mildly stressing because I gave them my cell# since I knew I would be gone part of the day. I'm not used to having my cell on and with me given that I don't use it much, so it was a bit stressing to have to keep track of the dang thing all day.

3. Finding out my mother needs surgery in the next six weeks or she runs a 90% chance of being paralyzed from the neck down.

4. Finding out my father also needs surgery due to an enlarged prostate and is currently walking around with a catheter that goes from his bladder to a baggie attached to his leg.

5. Facing Ms. N and having her suggest that maybe I need to stop therapy for awhile. Translation in my fucked up head = a kind way for her to tell me she doesn't want me as a patient any more.

6. Listening to the ex tell me about all these things he wants to spend money on for our daughter like a laptop and an $800 digital camcorder...yet he doesn't pay child support. I can't get him to realize that our daughter would much rather have a home to call her own instead of shacking up at the grandparent's house than have all these electronic gadgets.

7. Agreeing to have this damn VNS therapy surgery (not because I want to have it done, but because I feel I have no choice) and suddenly being bombarded with paranoid thoughts like there's going to be a tracking device in it or they'll turn the voltage up so high I'll end up a mindless drone.

And this is just one day's worth. Might not seem too bad from the outside, but add in an unrelenting, severe depression and major fucking anxiety; and then see how well you function. Isn't life grand?


Blogger Maggs said...

Oh Sid.
What can I say, you know? That all sucks. I won't bother with cheery rainbows and puppy dog shit (but did that make you smile? LOL).

Regarding your surgery...what do you have to lose? I hope it helps...

9:56 PM, May 16, 2006  

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