A snow globe world
Today's been one of those weird days where I feel like everyone exists within a snow globe world and I've been left alone on the outside looking in, yearning to figure out how you all got in there so I can join you. Wanting and needing a sense of connection, but knowing that nothing will permeate the barrier between us.
I have contact via the computer or phone, but it's just not enough to stave off the feelings of being left out, rejected, abandoned. I should be used to feeling like this, it has encompassed a large part of my life, but no one ever really adjusts to being lonely. A lot of people enjoy being alone, but no one enjoys loneliness.
As a young girl and even into my teen years, I had invisible friends to keep me company. I could disengage from the world around me and join them in theirs. It was safe there. No screaming, no hitting, no predators, no pain. Wish I could find my way back. I could use those friends right now.
5 Comments:
Loneliness is tough. There are benefits and unpleasant things about being alone, but that doesn't make it easier to accept. I like the snow globe metaphor. It's very apt.
And thank you for your encouragement on my blog last night.
This is my first time to read your blog and I like it. It is some raw stuff you write about and you should take comfort in your talents for writing. It is a shame you feel so alone...I am diagnosed Bipolar I and know the isolation a mental illness can cause. But we shall prevail. After all every person in crazy in their own right.
I've always enjoyed being alone but have struggled with loneliness so much over the past few months. Divorce, moving back to my home town, etc. Sometimes it seems a bit much and it's quite frustrating that I'm surrounded by family and friends yet the lonely feeling seems even more intense.
The snow globe analogy is excellent because I have often felt that too. I wish I could break all the glass that I often feel separates those of us who have psychiatric conditions from those who don't. I hope you can smash your glass.
I hear you. It feels as though I've lived my entire life on the outside. The yearning and wanting to be inside with everyone else - that's what hurts the most.
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