Isolation

The Ludiomil my pdoc put me on earlier this month isn't making me manic as I had hoped it would. Instead I just feel dead, empty, flat. My days are spent either laying in bed or sitting on the couch watching tv. I used to spend a lot of time on the computer, but I've lost almost all desire for that activity because it requires some level of thought and a willingness to interact with others. I just want to be alone. I don't want to hear other voices or see other people, not even my daughter.

Of course my therapist thinks it isn't a good idea to isolate myself and doesn't seem to understand why I need to right now. The more I interact with others, the more involved in life I become, the more stressed and anxious I'll feel. As the stress and anxiety levels begin to swell, life just seems far too overwhelming and I need to find any means of escape. Be it through alcohol, drugs, cutting, or suicide. So which is the better option? Yes, that would be isolation.

I've never really had the opportunity to isolate and see what happens. There has always been someone around that required my attention, namely my daughter; or I had family and friends that insisted on forcing me to interact with the world when all I wanted to do was hibernate. So I'm just going to try this for awhile and see what happens.