Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Don't believe

Seems my therapist likes to cancel on me at least once a month, sometimes more than once. Usually I'm told it's due to "illness" but I don't believe this is the real reason. I suppose it's best that she cancelled on me today because I honestly didn't feel like going. Not only am I depressed, but I'm also suffering from Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder. I was tempted to either slit my wrists earlier or take a coat hanger and permanently remove my uterus.

Still I managed to get in the shower, something I hadn't done for three days, and go to the NAMI Board Meeting tonight. It was an important meeting, so I needed to be there and didn't really feel there was an option to just stay curled up in bed. I made myself look extra appealing, with more make-up than I usually wear, dressed nice, put on a smiling face and pretended everything was just hunky-dory so no one was any the wiser.

If I didn't need to go pick up prescriptions tomorrow, I wouldn't get out of bed for the rest of the week. I sure as heck ain't bothering with showering. I'll throw on a hoodie and go through the drive-thru so I don't even have to get out of the car. Oh shit, I have to go out on Wednesday. I promised my nieces I'd come over and spend time with them while they're on Spring Break. Fuck.

I'll only have two days after that before my daughter comes home for Easter weekend, though whether or not she's planning to spend any time with me or not is unknown. I think she's avoiding me.


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