Ready to give in

Once again I'm flailing in the dark abyss of depression. It hurts to move, it hurts to breathe, it hurts to know I'm still alive. I've been swallowed whole to this point so many times only to get regurgitated back out when someone (sometimes myself) intervenes and ships me off to the hospital. But the hospital is just life support for me, for my terminal illness and I'm so tired of feeling like this that I'm about ready to give in and let the illness take me. I'm just...So. Damn. Tired.