Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Been raging today

Damn have I been raging today. I actually screamed out loud a few times in frustration. The urge to tear every inch of my flesh off has yet to subside. I need to cut to release all this tension. The kidlet has to go to bed early because school starts tomorrow so I'll do it after she's in bed. I can't escape it, can't ignore it. Been trying that all day and it just keeps building, keeps getting worse. How do "normal" people deal with rage? How can they get past it or let it out without harming themselves? Or do they just not feel it for no reason at all?

I got a call today from the mental health center. Guess they've found a long term therapist after leaving me high & dry for 3 weeks. They asked if I was still interested in therapy. The wrong thing to ask when I'm feeling so pissed off. I so wanted to go off on her, but I actually held my tongue and said I didn't know if I was still interested. I'd come in and meet with her and take it from there. So we set up an appointment for Monday. Should I consider my response progress? I wanted to tell her to take their fucked up program and shove it up her ass but I didn't. In the past I would not have even hesitated to tell anyone off, especially when I'm raging like today.

I'm planning on going to the DBT group tomorrow. Didn't go last week because of a function at my daughter's school. That's the first time I missed group since I started but I let them know a week ahead of time I couldn't make it. Didn't just not show up like so many of the others have. Someone else sure as hell better show up tomorrow or I will not return.

Fuck, I'm so full of rage I can't even write anymore.


Post a Comment

<< Home