Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Think my pdoc is an idiot

I'm beginning to think my pdoc is an idiot...that or he's just spread way too thin with too many patients. I did some research online about Lithium and there's a whole lot of info he failed to tell me about. He never mentioned getting regular blood tests to determine the level of Lithium in my system to make sure I'm not approaching the toxic zone. Never mentioned possibly having renal testing or an ECG as they suggested on each of the websites I looked at. Is he secretly trying to kill me by leaving these details out? It'd be really easy for him to simply say I OD'd on my own. If I were dead, it would save him from having to actually tell me he wants to dump me as a patient. Then he wouldn't have to worry about me going "postal" on him.

I'm sure if I said this to anyone they'd think I was just being paranoid. They seem to think that a lot lately. But to me it all sounds logical. Maybe that's also why he didn't ask me to see him in a month like he usually does. He's figuring I won't be alive. Now the question is, do I go along with his apparent plan for me? Seems to me he's saying I am unfixable, too broken to be repaired. I've felt that way all along so maybe my feelings were dead on. Decisions, decisions.


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