Friday, August 06, 2004

It's finally decided

Well it's finally been decided...the kidlet is going to live with me. Think the biggest factor was her pigheadedness, something she picked up from both mommy & daddy. She was so against moving into that house and having an instant family that she would never allow herself to be happy there. She would continue to be miserable and in turn make everyone else miserable.

So now I have to rush to get her registered for school here and get her records transferred from her old school. I think school starts on the 25th in this district, so there isn't a whole lot of time. Plus now I need to get the guest bedroom turned into her room. It'll be good to finally get all her stuff out of the boxes she's been living out of since at least January.

I haven't yet had the opportunity to think of the impact this is going to have on me and that's probably a good thing. This isn't about me, it's about her. I just need to keep myself out of the hospital, which is getting harder by the day.

I had my last appointment yesterday with Ms. J and it didn't go very well. Even though I knew my sessions with her were coming to an end, she left out one very important detail. They do not have a long term therapist available. I can't see Ms. J any more, but I don't have the opportunity to see anyone else either. They said they'd have to call me when someone becomes available, but they can't even give me any estimate of when that may be. It could be next week, next month, several months from now...they have no idea. What kind of fucked up program are these people running over there??

I was so furious I stormed out of her office again. It was bad enough when I found out I had to see someone for 12 wks and then transfer to someone new, but I figured I'd be transferred to someone new right away. They never even mentioned the possibility I'd be left without a therapist for god only knows how long. I'm still stunned. You'd think they'd allow me to see the transitional therapist until someone is available, not just 12 wks and then left out in the cold.

I've definitely had it with that place and I will never return. All I can think now, is why do I even bother? Everyone always tells me there's help out there, that I just need to ask for it. Yet every time I've asked for help, I just end up getting screwed. That isn't helpful, that's harmful and each time I go through this shit I think that life is telling me something. That there really is no help for me out there and I should just give up. And people wonder why I'm so damn suicidal all the time....if their lives were full of as much crap as mine, they'd want out too.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've never had much luck with help. You ask for help, and ask, and ask, and fucking beg for it, and there's ntohing but false promises. Then when you finally do freak out the smug fuckers ask you why you didn't get help before.

Fuck 'em.

How old is your daughter?

Twelve? So you've got ten or twelve more years with her, and keeping it all together, all that. Best wishes,

8:00 AM, August 07, 2004  

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