Monday, October 25, 2004

Can't figure out what to say

I hate that feeling like you have something to say, but you can't figure out what it is. Fucking drives me crazy...err, drives me crazier than I already am. It's like being in constant anticipation. I hope this passes soon, it's making my anxiety rage.

Took a drive earlier. Had to force myself to turn around and come home though. I just wanted to keep driving. Hop on the highway and drive til I'm far away from here. Unfortunately, I'm what I want to runaway from most and the only way to get away from myself is to die. That's not an option right now....just keep telling yourself that.

I was thinking today about joining that other DBT group, the one that meets on Thursday afternoons. Even though I'm still suffering the emotional chaos, I've only seriously considered suicide one day in the last two weeks. Not bad for me. Maybe if I give the group therapy another try I'll get something out of it this time.

I'm just so afraid of that one step forward, 20 back that I keep going thru. I can't keep enduring problems with trying to get help. It's making me even more reluctant than I originally was to seek out the help everyone tells me is out there. Guess I'll just think about it for a few more days before I make any decisions.


Blogger Lauren said...

Thanks for the comment. Nice to know some people are reading along. I'm pretty sure it wasn't the drinking that kept me from cutting. I've just been in good spirits in general for the past week. Hopefully it keeps up, eh? Take care.

12:53 AM, April 09, 2005  

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