Almost broke down today

Almost broke down in my p-doc's office today. I did let a few tears escape before I was able to stop myself. He was very surprised to see me like that. Normally I'm so void of any emotion at all. Not even sure what triggered the tears.

Think maybe I'm getting anxious about next Saturday. It's the worst day of the year for me and I'm not sure what I can do to get myself through it. For most people, their birthday is a day for celebration. I've hated mine for as long as I can remember, even as a child. Have always tried to get my family to just think of it as any other day, but they seem to have this need to acknowledge it. I have stopped telling friends when my b-day is. When they ask, I just quickly change the subject.

P-doc upped the Lamictal to 150 mg. Doubt that is going to have much impact. He did say he had a couple of other "tricks up his sleeve" if it doesn't. Not sure what else there is to try, I've already been on most of the meds out there. Guess we'll just wait and see what happens.