Thursday, October 07, 2004

Drinking jack tonite

Drinking jack tonight. Saw the bottle sitting here unopened and figured I'd take a few swigs. Don't plan on having much, my stomach feels like it's been eating itself for the last two weeks and I'm sure whiskey isn't gonna help any.

I'm pissed off at the ex again. He actually wanted me to put a singles ad on yahoo for him because "he's desperate for sex". What a fucking ass. There really should be instances where murder is okay, cuz I'd love to strangle the bastard.

I'm still hanging in there, no suicidal thoughts. Well, actually there have been thoughts, just no planning. The thoughts are just fleeting, nothing that I've been dwelling on. Been extremely tired again. I finally got back up to 200 mg of Seroquel, still half of the 400 I should be taking, but it isn't doing much. I keep waking up several times a night. Think I was sleeping better on the 100 mgs, but the racing thoughts were getting out of control.

Almost chopped off one of my fingers today. Was cutting out the last of the tombstones when the knife slipped. Been awhile since I saw that much blood at once. Probably should have gone and got stitches, but I was too worried they'd question what happened because of the scars on my arms. So I just did what my sis said they did to her last time she went to the ER because of a severe cut...I super-glued it shut. Hopefully that'll work well. It did stop the bleeding. At least now I know what to cut myself with next time I need or want to do it...this sucker was sharp!


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