Sunday, September 26, 2004

Something's wrong

Something is wrong and I'm not sure how to explain it. I just don't feel right. Almost feels like I'm living in an alternate reality because I don't have an emotional connection to anyone or anything except my daughter. It's really an odd feeling. An unsettling feeling.

Today I can tell that I'm mentally ill. I can feel there is something wrong inside my brain. As if though the sickness has eaten away at sections and has left permanent voids that won't ever be filled again. I'll never be "sane" again. I can feel myself getting sicker, losing touch with everything I thought was real. I constantly question whether things I think, hear and see are imaginary or if I'm really in the here & now, experiencing things the same way others around me are.

My greatest fear is completely losing my mind and ending up in a psych ward for the rest of my life. I sometimes wonder if I have completely lost it already and maybe just don't realize it yet. Often feels like I have.


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