Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Good thing crazy people can't have guns

It's a good thing the government doesn't allow us crazy people to own guns. Least we can't own them legally. I'd love to go into the public aid office with a gun and go postal on those fuckers.

I didn't make it there yesterday like I wanted to because I couldn't make it off the couch. Apparently when I'm not even feeling overly depressed, it's still there and showing itself in other ways. So I figured I'd just go there today like I had originally planned because today is when the letter said I had to turn my paperwork in by. I didn't even receive the letter until last Thursday, after 3 pm. That only left 3 days for me to get there. I couldn't go Friday and didn't make it there yesterday, so that left today.

Trying to be the independent adult I should be, I went without bringing a support person. I figured I could do this one little thing on my own, I'm a fucking grown-up. Figured I could talk myself through if I had a panic attack. So I drove out there, a drive that was over an hour, and guess what happened. THE FUCKING OFFICE WAS CLOSED!!!!!

What the fuck? It's a week day, it's not some fucking national holiday or some weird one that only the government closes for. No where in this letter does it say their office would be closed today, in fact it gives the hours it is open. I don't understand why they closed down. What the fuck does the public aid office have to do with an election anyway??

Needless to say, I've been raging ever since. I drove home screaming at the top of my lungs while doing 90 mph down the tollway. Kept hoping I'd blow a tire and crash head-on into the divider or a light post. Luckily, when you're going that fast, you put a lot of road between yourself and other cars, so no one else was around while I was thinking that.

After I got home, I was raging so badly I wanted to cut, but I didn't. I picked up the bottle of jack and started chugging instead. Is it progress if you really really want to cut and you drink instead? Probably not. Especially if you're drinking at 11 am. Didn't get to drink much though because I had a therapy apptmt.

Not a whole lot to say about my apptmt with Ms. J. She said I talked more than I usually do. Don't think I revealed any more than usual though. I refuse to let down my guard. I'm only seeing her temporarily, why would I want to spill my guts to her. I'll just wait til Ms. S comes back and see what happens then.

I did manage to vote while I was out. Now I'll just sit back and wait to see who's going to have the chance to screw up the USA for the next four years. I hate voting. I think all politicians are cheats & liars & only run for office to address their own personal agendas. They don't give a shit about the people. It all comes down to voting for the lesser of two evils. Which candidate do you think will do the least amount of harm.

Guess I'll get back to drinking. Sooner or later I won't feel this fucking rage anymore.


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