Tuesday, November 02, 2004

I hate.....

Ok...I've been drinking pretty steadily now for 6 hours. Not entirely drunk yet, but I'm getting there & my mind is racing. Think I'm going to use this time to hop up on my soapbox, since it's mine to do with as I want. So I'm gonna rant about all the things I hate that come to mind.

I hate obnoxiously happy people. I don't believe anyone is really that happy, I think they just have undiagnosed bipolar. I hate windy days...it fucks up my already fucked up hair even more. I hate people that say money can't buy happiness. No shit, you can't buy an inanimate object. I'd sure like the money to buy a year long vacation across Europe though, that'd at least might make me feel happy for a little while.

I hate people that are continuously late. Set all your damn clocks and watches half an hour ahead if you can't get your ass in gear to arrive at the time you've committed to. I hate going to someone's house, having to use their bathroom & finding it dirty. Here's a tip...buy Clorox wipes, it only takes a few minutes.

I hate when people try to talk to other people they don't know well about what I believe to be the 3 most taboo subjects on earth...religion, abortion and politics. Chances are we will never see eye to eye on any of those topics and trying to initiate a conversation on any of them usually just leads to an argument. Even worse are those people that try to push their own personal views on others. I don't tell you what to believe, what to do with your body or how to vote so don't tell me. Opinions are like assholes...everyone's got one and unless I ask, I don't want to see yours.

I hate running out of shampoo and forgetting to buy more before I get in the shower the next day. I hate smelly people. That's what soap & deodorant were invented for. I don't care if you don't shower if you're staying within the privacy of your own home, but when you're out in public...no one wants to smell you.

I hate pushy sales people. I know you're working on commission, but I don't need you to follow me around. Introduce yourself, ask if I need any help and then leave me alone. If I really want to buy something, I'll come find you...I don't need a shadow, that's what I have a kid for.

I hate cellphones. Do 90% of the people that use them really need to be that accessible at all times???? And why do those that use them insist on talking 50 times louder than they would if the person were standing right there with them?? I don't need to stand in the grocery store line and hear that Fido pooped on your rug, or that Jimmy stuck a crayon up his nose because you're talking so loudly on that damn cellphone. Can't these calls wait until you're at home? I mean really..they can wait. Cellphones are a wonderful invention in case of emergency or to reach that kid that said they'd be home by 6 pm and it's now 9 pm...I really don't think they weren't meant to be used while sitting at a table in a restaurant ignoring the people you have sitting right there while you chitty chat. Turn it off once in awhile, show some respect to those around you.

I hate when it rains or a bird shits on my car right after I've finally washed it for the first time in 6 months. I hate dust bunnies...they multiply faster than real bunnies do. I hate when my black pen runs out of ink while I'm right in the middle of writing something and the only other pen I have is blue ink.

I hate all this plastic surgery everyone seems to be getting these days. Am I the only one that thinks these women with face lifts look more bizarre than they would have if they'd have just left the wrinkles alone. Boob jobs are another thing I hate. If you need to boost your bustline to boost your self esteem...I'm sorry, you have way bigger issues than having something stuffed in your boobs is going to help solve. The run on gastric bypass surgery is also irritating to me. I've seen these people on tv that are eating whole chickens, a 2 lb bag of potato chips and a 2 liter of soda in one meal. HELLO??? I can offer an easy solution for most people...it's called eating less and exercising more. There are some people that need counseling because they have issues with food, and there are those that really need gastric bypass to lose weight, but I think most people are just fucking lazy. Do they really think gastric bypass is going to work when they can't discipline themselves not to put so much shit into their bodies??

I hate when someone takes my last bottle of Pepsi (speaking of putting junk into bodies) and doesn't tell me. Yes, I admit, I'm a Pepsiholic. Are there any 12 step programs for that?? I hate all the cheesy holiday decorations people dress their houses up in. Must be the perfectionist in me, but I think most look trashy and retarded. If you're gonna do it, take the time & make it look good.

I hate women that wear too much makeup. Since you can't buy a clue...let me give it to you. You're not hiding your "flaws" or making yourself pretty with all that stuff. You're just accentuating your ugliness. Ok..that was harsh, I didn't mean it, I was just saying that to make a point. You don't need all that gook all over your face. If people don't like the way you look...flip 'em off.

I hate all the married people hanging out on the internet pretending they're single. Just another shining example of why the divorce rate is so damn high. Log off and flirt with your spouse, it'll bring some pizazz back to your marriage. I hate people that are into cybersex. How pathetically lonely are these people that they can get off by reading a font on a screen? Remind me never to touch their keyboards...yuck.

I hate that I've run out of time to keep writing about things I hate. See Ya!


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