Saturday, March 05, 2005


Spent yesterday laying on the couch, in the dark, suffering from a massive migraine. Felt like my head had been impaled with huge metal spike. It's been awhile since I've had a headache that bad, but it came at the appropriate time. Gave me an excuse to get out of going to the opening of my brother-in-law's new showroom. Wonder if the migraine was psychosomatic in nature. I wanted to go to the opening at first, but once I found out just how many people were expected to show up I panicked and was trying to think of a way out of going.

I will swing by the showroom at some point, during the week when I know it won't be too crowded. I know he put a lot of hours and sweat equity into getting that place together so they could open to the public. He's a lousy husband and father, but he does have a strong work ethic. Even without the showroom, all the partners have done really well getting this company off the ground. I was worried because they're competing with the likes of Home Depot and KDA, which I don't think has gone out of business yet. But I think they have some solid relationships with some major home builders that were willing to stay with them when they jumped ship from KDA.

The kiddie and I decided we'd head off to Minnesota for spring break. We're only going for 4 days. First two days we'll spend in Minneapolis, doing the Mall of America and a couple of other things. Then we're driving farther north to a resort that has an indoor waterpark for the other two days. Now I just need to make reservations and solve one minor detail...

How do I cover up the scars on my arms? When we go swimming and stuff over the summer outdoors, I can easily make the excuse to wear a shirt over my swimsuit that I burn easy. Can't use that same excuse indoors. When we were in Milwaukee, I simply avoided swimming when other people were around but I have a feeling that won't be possible at this place. There will always be other people around. If I wasn't so darn pale, this probably wouldn't even be an issue. Of course if I didn't cut or cut so deep as to cause the red, raised scars there would be no issue at all, but can't do anything about that now. Do they make swimsuits with sleeves that go to the elbows??

Well, I had a lot more that I wanted to type about, but my head is still hurting so I'd best wander off to bed. Hopefully I'll feel better when I wake.


Blogger Polar Bear said...

Hey Sid,
I hope you don't mind me asking this. If you do, just ignore me.

I was wondering what the situation is with your getting a therapist to work with you. Have they come back to you with anything? Any leads?

I'm just concerned that you have no outlet with which you can talk to and find support from.

8:13 PM, March 06, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Sid!
I am just glad to see you on here and that you are making some progress...In my opinion. The reason I say this, you are making plans for the future....this is good. I realized once I started making solid plans for the future, even if it was next week, I was getting further away from that intense suicidal place. I still feel suicidal, but not so much.

I was long have you been cutting for? It seems you haven't had to hide it for too long. Hopefully, that is the case. Perhaps, when you are ready, it will be easier to stop if you haven't been doing it forever.

I hope you are well and that your head is better soon.

Take care of you!

10:10 PM, March 06, 2005  
Blogger The Mass Defective said...

As far as the therapist is concerned, I'm just playing the waiting game. I filled out all the paperwork they sent me and returned it, but I have yet to hear back from them. They said it would probably be about a week before they could set up an appointment, so I'm hoping they call this week.

As for the cutting, I've been doing it off & on since I was 13. Since then, the longest I've gone without cutting was an amazing 6 yrs while I was married. Didn't really start scarring til I got into my 30's though. Guess my skin no longer heals as well as it once did now that I'm old n shit.

I've been able to hide the scars so far with very little trouble, opting for short or long sleeved shirts and finding reasons to avoid wearing a swimsuit. I'm not much of a swimmer anyway and usually only go swimming outdoors over the summer at my sister's house & I always wear a shirt over any swimsuits. I'll figure something out. I gotta get a new suit this year anyway so I'll be on the lookout for something to wear over it.

11:51 PM, March 06, 2005  

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