Sunday, May 01, 2005

Mixed signals

Talked to the ex about an hour ago and despite the sudden urge to drink even more than I already had, I'm not going to. I'm just going to post this and go to bed.

I didn't really want to talk to him but I guess he asked the kiddie to give me the phone once they were done talking so I took it. He started by telling me he was going to come by today to pick the kiddie up. Immediately I know something's up because he usually doesn't talk to me about that, he just shows up. First thought is, he wants to borrow money. But no, he tells me that we need to get together and talk about "some stuff". Said he didn't want to get into it right now so I didn't even bother to ask what stuff.

He then inquires as to how I'm doing and I said fine. Guess he was bothered by the fact that I didn't ask what he wanted to talk about so he says "well I didn't want to bring this up right now". All I could think was um..excuse me? What the hell is he bringing it up for then?

So here's what he wants to talk about...us. He says he's been getting the feeling I want to get back together with him and he's bothered by that. Our signals are definitely out of whack because the only reason I even began to think that might even be possible is because of the things he was saying to me. Saying he's screwed everything up for everyone, how sorry he is that he hurt me, saying he's worried and cares about me.

I matter-of-factly told him I wasn't expecting us to get back together and that I certainly wasn't pining away for him. Still he says he wants to get together for coffee and "put things out on the table". And oh...look at that, he just happens to have a job in the neighborhood this coming week, how convenient.

So I'm considering asking 2 questions if we do get together. 1) Why is he continually telling me all these regrets about us being over, making it seem he's the one that wants to get back together; and 2) What happened to the 'in sickness & in health' part of our marriage vows?

I think it's high time I asked him that second question. It still pisses me off that I took care of him for 7 years, without ever questioning it, but as soon as I'm sick he bolts. Feeds me all these bullshit lines that I couldn't leave him, couldn't break up our family, yet it's okie dokie for him to do it.

I just have to do all this without getting emotional. Don't want him to feel he has that power over me. Ha! This'll be good.

4 Comments:

Blogger Polar Bear said...

Sid, Don't know what to advise you to say or not say in your meeting with him. I've don't know how to handle relationships and stuff, and I certainly don't know what's on his mind.

But I just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you, and I hope the meeting goes OK for you.

Take good care.
Polar Bear

3:39 AM, May 01, 2005  
Blogger Humblejohn said...

Sid,
I only know what you have posted but I get the feeling that he's not as happy about being divorced as he might have been earlier on. I was unhappily married(or so I thought)and now I'm unhappily divorced (and sure of it.)Now after a cooling off period(2 years) I start to think back on things and realize they could have been worse and maybe I didn't give my ex what she needed in the relationship and I have to admit to myself that I'm a fucking loser, and my depression and drug addiction is mine and no one else is to blame. Sounds to me that your ex isn't looking for a fight. I would venture a guess that his conscience is chewing at him a bit and he is starting to see the light as to his own issues. Only my thoughts on this but I'm sure if he wanted to make trouble he wouldn't want to take you out for coffee just to do it. Take care Sid. Warmly, John

12:30 PM, May 01, 2005  
Blogger Jennynyc said...

Here's some advice from another mentally ill woman (me): Ask him that second question!

8:21 PM, May 01, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What an EGO your ex has. He cant admit what what hes feeling so he puts the blame on you.

11:02 PM, May 01, 2005  

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