Monday, May 09, 2005

Mother's day rundown

Mother's Day went fairly well. It was hot compared to how it's been and most of us got some sunburn. The kiddie wasn't feeling well so I think we left the baseball game in the 5th inning. These minor, minor, minor league players really suck ass. Guess that's why they're playing where they are.

The kiddie got me a bag of Ghiradelli chocolates and the movie Bourne Supremacy. But the best gift was the handmade card she gave me. She had gotten up at around 6 am Sunday morning to make it for me. Think she really wanted it to be a surprise, but unfortunately I woke up to go to the bathroom while she was making it. I cried a few tears after I went back into my room. Touched my heart that she would get up super early just to do something like that for me. It was a funny card, she's pretty creative.

The ex called late Sunday on the kiddie's cellphone but since I was closest, I answered it. He said he had actually called to talk to me. Wanted to thank me for taking such good care of our daughter. Guess he still had it in his head, either from being told or reading about it, that she will learn to be borderline by being around me. I said thanks for calling and just told him that while I suck at most areas of life, I manage to do good in the one area that really counts. Then I passed the phone off to the kiddie. Didn't want to talk to him about anything else.

Just to clear up any confusion, as much as I spew hatred for my ex at times, I have never wanted him dead. I wouldn't want my daughter to grow up without her father. As we were driving out to my sister's house on Sunday we passed a cemetery and people were pulling in. All I could think is how awful it would be to have to visit a grave for Mother's or Father's day. It was a harsh reality to face, considering how often I contemplate suicide.

Tomorrow is therapy day. Don't really have anything to talk to her about. Least nothing is coming to mind. I managed to kinda sorta fill out my weekly tracker. I can't remember what Thurs & Fri were like for me last week. Can't remember how I felt or what I did outside of getting my hair done.

These memory and concentration problems are so out of control. My daughter makes fun of me because of all the sticky notes everywhere reminding me to do stuff. I even have sticky notes reminding to look at some of the reminders! My calendar is filled with different things I need to remember, different activities and stuff, each color-coded with a different shade Sharpie marker (OCD hard at work there). But I often have to leave myself a note to remember to look at the dang calendar, even though it's sitting right in front of me while I'm on the computer.

I did manage some time today balancing the checkbook and making a hotel reservation for Thursday. Which reminds me, I need to leave a note to remember to call the school and tell them the kiddie will be absent those two days...ok, done. Anyway, I also got directions to the hotel and the concert hall. It was raining so I couldn't get out and get started on the walking. Guess that'll start tomorrow.

I need to call the headquarters for this walk. They were supposed to enter my info today and send me an email with my access name to set up a page to begin accepting donations at. Tomorrow I'll do that and also come up with something to say on the site. I did find a team that is accepting new members. There are only 2 members so far, one has borderline and the other is a friend walking in support of her. Once I get my access name I can contact them to see if I can join up with them. It'd be nice not to be walking alone amongst all these people. 1700 registered participants so far...oy vey, just the thought of being around that many people makes my heart speed up.


Blogger Polar Bear said...

Your daughter is so sweet. I think it's wonderful that she took the initiative to wake early to make you the card. I think you really deserve that too.

Good parenting (or even bad parenting, I guess) comes around at some point. ANd it's just wonderful to see what a great relationship you have with your daughter.

Good luck with your training for the walk. Go Sid!!

12:50 AM, May 10, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was sweet,your very lucky.This is what you get for being such a loving parent.If you love them theyll love you right bach,its just too bad so many parents dont realize that.

1:21 AM, May 10, 2005  

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