What do you want to be?

What do you want to be when you grow up? Usually that is meant to be a very innocuous question. As children we are asked about this with some frequency. As a toddler, our replies are typically comical like I wanna be a monkey. One response I remember from my own child was that she wanted to be Aladdin so that she could marry Jasmine. She was about 2 or 3 at the time and was still a few years away from understanding the differences between boys & girls.

In elementary school, our answers tend to shift towards those that we perceive as heroes or people we look up to. Movie stars, firemen, teachers, doctors are some of the standard answers at this age. As we head into jr high and high school, we have more of an understanding of what a career is. We've developed some sense of identity, though it's still quite shaky at times, and are pretty in tune to our likes & dislikes. A majority of teens have already chosen a career path as they enter high school, or at the very least have narrowed the field down to just a few possibilities.

At 37 the answer to that question still eludes me. I'm no closer to finding the answer than I was at my daughter's age, 13. Guess that is what happens when everyone around you tells you that you're worthless and will never amount to anything. You learn to believe you'll never be anything, so you never strive to become anything.

The reason I bring this up is because the ex asked me what I wanted out of life. Not specifically career-wise, but in general. I think the same roadblocks that prevent me from finding a career that I might enjoy pursuing also prevent me from knowing what I want out of life at all. Those are feeling I'm worthless and having no identity. I wonder if it's too late to overcome those obstacles.