Monday, June 06, 2005


A lot of memories get lost in the swarm of mostly useless data my brain processes every day. Shuffled into some remote, dusty corner of my mind to wither away or lie in wait for something to sweep them back into my consciousness.

Today I'm having memories that have left me feeling uneasy and afraid. Memories of places and events that I hadn't necessarily forgotten about completely, but rather chose to cram to the back of my mind because they disturb me so. They bring about a panic, related to my safety, so I've spent a lot of time looking over my shoulder and not turning my back towards doors or strangers. Glancing in the rear view mirror as I'm driving to make sure I'm not being followed.

I know what triggered them. What sucked them back into the forefront of my mind, interrupting my current reality. A smell, that of an Herbal Essences conditioner. I hate that such an ordinary smell can invoke such a powerful response. Mainly because it could possibly happen any where at any time. I view that as a weakness in myself that I can't seem to tolerate.


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