Friday, May 27, 2005

Gotta love valium

Managed to get my hands on some Valium recently. I forgot how good it feels to take this stuff. I was having a panic attack today before I headed off to Ms. N's office so I took half a pill to calm me down. It calmed me down alright, waayyyy down. Felt stoned and more relaxed than I have in about 10 years. Wish there were some way to get my hands on a prescription for this. I still have 10 pills left which I'm going to be very stingy about taking. Don't want to use them all up right away. I'll save them for when I really need them.

I was kind of out of it for my apptmt, but I think it helped keep me from getting too emotional. We discussed the ex and finding an identity. How to be emotionally vulnerable, something I told her I think would kill me. Don't remember a whole lot of the specifics cuz I was spacing a lot. No homework or anything. How is therapy supposed to help when we randomly discuss things? Never address one issue and deal with it, then move on to the next. Course I don't think I could just discuss one issue. I want answers to all the issues right now.

I was tempted to drink after I got home, to extend and exacerbate the effects of the Valium, but I was good and didn't. Instead the kiddie and I went out for another walk. I need to buy a real pedometer cuz the one my father gave me doesn't work properly. Said we walked less than a mile, but I know the route we took is well over a mile. I also need to consider buying some new gym shoes. The pair I have are at least 5 years old. They're still in good shape cuz I don't wear them often, but I'm not so sure they'd work well for a 20 mile walk.


Blogger Polar Bear said...

oooh, valium. If only I can get my hands on those!!

I used to take a sedative before going into therapy when I had my stash. It was really to protect me from getting too emotional. I don't have that anymore (the pills, I mean). But I think it's better because I'm more engaged in therapy and it's helping me more.

Take good care... Sid.

Polar Bear

1:21 AM, May 27, 2005  
Blogger borderline savvy said...

Valium. I can relate to that wanting to calm down the emotions, only I do it with pain killers, which I hopefully am weaning myself off of. I have a small stash left, but hope to use it to taper down and then be off of them. Be careful about taking the valium before therapy, because it really distorts things, and you don't get as much out of it.

Take good care of yourself, Sid.
Big hugs,

12:52 PM, May 27, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ive begged my doc to give it to me but she wont.It helped my grandmother get through her last days.


11:09 PM, May 27, 2005  
Blogger Humblejohn said...

Hey Sid,
Be real careful with the Valiums...take it from me, and many people before me the "feeling" is not worth the risk of getting into trouble with them.
Go get new sneakers, and break them in BEFORE the twenty mile walk. Take Care. John

2:56 AM, May 29, 2005  

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