Gotta love valium

Managed to get my hands on some Valium recently. I forgot how good it feels to take this stuff. I was having a panic attack today before I headed off to Ms. N's office so I took half a pill to calm me down. It calmed me down alright, waayyyy down. Felt stoned and more relaxed than I have in about 10 years. Wish there were some way to get my hands on a prescription for this. I still have 10 pills left which I'm going to be very stingy about taking. Don't want to use them all up right away. I'll save them for when I really need them.

I was kind of out of it for my apptmt, but I think it helped keep me from getting too emotional. We discussed the ex and finding an identity. How to be emotionally vulnerable, something I told her I think would kill me. Don't remember a whole lot of the specifics cuz I was spacing a lot. No homework or anything. How is therapy supposed to help when we randomly discuss things? Never address one issue and deal with it, then move on to the next. Course I don't think I could just discuss one issue. I want answers to all the issues right now.

I was tempted to drink after I got home, to extend and exacerbate the effects of the Valium, but I was good and didn't. Instead the kiddie and I went out for another walk. I need to buy a real pedometer cuz the one my father gave me doesn't work properly. Said we walked less than a mile, but I know the route we took is well over a mile. I also need to consider buying some new gym shoes. The pair I have are at least 5 years old. They're still in good shape cuz I don't wear them often, but I'm not so sure they'd work well for a 20 mile walk.