Friday, June 24, 2005

The push for DBT

Ms. N is trying to get me to join the DBT group that is starting up in 2 or 3 weeks. After hearing about Suzanne's group being rushed, I'm not so sure I want to do this group. This one is twice a week (Mon & Wed I think) from 10 am to noon, so 4 hours total each week! How could anyone learn the skills that fast? Must be for those high functioning borderlines that are all gung-ho about getting better. Ones that got diagnosed early, don't have a co-morbid diagnosis, are having success with their medications and/or just don't have as many or as severe symptoms as I do.

I was Miss Negativity today, partly because I'm depressed and partly because I'm just completely emotionally and physically exhausted from pretending everything is ok when it's not, so I wasn't really responsive to anything she had to say. There is also the evening group that I could have switched to when my group was canceled last year, but it's run by the same person and I was none too impressed with the fucked up way things were being run so I'm extremely reluctant to join that one.

She gave me a diamond-shaped graph today. From the center to the top are the progressions in the life of a relative healthy person and what they learn each stage. Starts with basic trust which is learned from birth to 6 mos, autonomy which is 6 mos to 3 yrs, initiative at 3-6 mos, industry 6-12 yrs, identity teens & 20's, etc. She said each builds upon the next, miss something and it screws the rest of your progression up. Which isn't a bad thing if you only miss one thing, you won't get screwed up that entirely bad.

From the middle on down to the bottom are what you learn instead if something did get screwed up. Starts with basic mistrust, shame & doubt, guilt, inferiority, role confusion, etc. Basically all the negative crap I'm filled with. According to this theory on how things work or fail, my needs as a baby weren't met and I didn't feel secure. Things just plummeted straight to hell from there.

Right now I'm at the 30's - 40's age group which is labeled "stagnation". This means I have the inability to change. So I guess it's pretty common for someone my age that's dealt with this bullshit all their lives to feel doomed, hopeless and helpless; it's not just me acting foolish. So what I'd like to know is, just how am I supposed to work through this stagnation? Huh? Someone explain that to me because THAT'S THE KEY TO ME MAKING ANY PROGRESS DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who the hell said that?What a load of shit!Like thats really gonna help us get better,telling us we have no hope.I dont know who these people are but dont listen to them.We have just as much chance as anybody else no matter what our age.Dont let this make you feel hopeless,you just keep working on getting better o.k?


11:02 PM, June 24, 2005  
Blogger borderline savvy said...


I know the reluctance you have to join DBT. As you know, I've had the same reluctance, and my meetings are 3.5 hours per week, so I can relate to the rate. It's hard to practice all the skills every week, but they are good skills and worth the effort to learn them. Shouldn't you be having 2 Ts running the group? That way if you don't really like one, there is always the other one who you might relate to. That's my understanding of how it's done, and that's the way it's done in my group (of 3 whole people!).

I have comorbid dxs too and find them a challenge to say the least, but DBT is worthwhile. If you can get into a group with a leader you respect, that would be the first goal. But the group is all about learning the skills and practicing them, not so much about the leaders' personalities. So you don't have as much to fear there.

Do get into DBT. I think you will benefit by it, and you can always go through the cycle again to get the skills down better. Working through DBT can help you work through the stagnation. Give it a try. They are useful skills to have no matter how many you come out with.

Hang in there, sweetie! Treat yourself very well and gently.
Big hugs,

12:45 PM, June 25, 2005  
Blogger Polar Bear said...

I have no answers. I'm sort of stagnant myself. But I would encourage you to join the DBT group. I think some of the skills that are part of DBT are useful. Maybe not all of them will work for you, but some might. Give it a chance. Besides, it'll get you out of the house twice a week.

I'm sorry it's been so hard for you, and I sense your frustration.


Polar Bear

7:19 PM, June 25, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have also been reluctant to join a DBT group. I am not even seeing a T or on meds now. I know I am just asking for trouble. But, sometimes we just don't want to do what we should.
I'm pretty useless, but I'm back online if you need me.
Take care of you.

11:55 AM, June 28, 2005  

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