The push for DBT

Ms. N is trying to get me to join the DBT group that is starting up in 2 or 3 weeks. After hearing about Suzanne's group being rushed, I'm not so sure I want to do this group. This one is twice a week (Mon & Wed I think) from 10 am to noon, so 4 hours total each week! How could anyone learn the skills that fast? Must be for those high functioning borderlines that are all gung-ho about getting better. Ones that got diagnosed early, don't have a co-morbid diagnosis, are having success with their medications and/or just don't have as many or as severe symptoms as I do.

I was Miss Negativity today, partly because I'm depressed and partly because I'm just completely emotionally and physically exhausted from pretending everything is ok when it's not, so I wasn't really responsive to anything she had to say. There is also the evening group that I could have switched to when my group was canceled last year, but it's run by the same person and I was none too impressed with the fucked up way things were being run so I'm extremely reluctant to join that one.

She gave me a diamond-shaped graph today. From the center to the top are the progressions in the life of a relative healthy person and what they learn each stage. Starts with basic trust which is learned from birth to 6 mos, autonomy which is 6 mos to 3 yrs, initiative at 3-6 mos, industry 6-12 yrs, identity teens & 20's, etc. She said each builds upon the next, miss something and it screws the rest of your progression up. Which isn't a bad thing if you only miss one thing, you won't get screwed up that entirely bad.

From the middle on down to the bottom are what you learn instead if something did get screwed up. Starts with basic mistrust, shame & doubt, guilt, inferiority, role confusion, etc. Basically all the negative crap I'm filled with. According to this theory on how things work or fail, my needs as a baby weren't met and I didn't feel secure. Things just plummeted straight to hell from there.

Right now I'm at the 30's - 40's age group which is labeled "stagnation". This means I have the inability to change. So I guess it's pretty common for someone my age that's dealt with this bullshit all their lives to feel doomed, hopeless and helpless; it's not just me acting foolish. So what I'd like to know is, just how am I supposed to work through this stagnation? Huh? Someone explain that to me because THAT'S THE KEY TO ME MAKING ANY PROGRESS DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!