Wednesday, June 15, 2005

A stop in time

Time has stalled, has come to an almost complete stop. Least it feels that way. Feels as if it should be 7 am or even 10, but alas it's only 1:30 and seems to have been 1:30 for about 6 hours. So much for the days when time was whizzing by. It'd probably be a wise idea to take my meds and just go to bed. Least if I'm asleep I won't notice how slow everything seems to be going.

My thoughts are all over the place tonight. If I've thought about anything for more than a minute I'd be shocked. I've tried to keep myself involved in mindless activities. Even went so far as to clean out my keyboard. A small metal bar popped out from under the spacebar while I was banging the keyboard upside down to get the crud out, hope it wasn't anything important. It's still working so I'm keeping my fingers crossed it isn't.

I've been more in tune to my fidgeting today. Usually it's caused by anxiety which seems rather high today despite the meds. Constantly need to keep at least one part of my body moving at all times. If I'm watching tv or laying in bed, it's my right leg shaking. The rest of the time it's my fingers. I'll play with my hair, a paper clip, the remote, a water bottle, anything that'll keep them in motion. Wonder how common that is. I don't really notice other people doing it. In fact I get people telling me to stop whatever I'm doing. My daughter will sit on my leg at times, or my sister will tell me to put something down. Sometimes I'm totally unaware I'm even doing anything until I'm told to stop.

Guess I'll dope up and play pyramids until this stuff kicks in. I can't stand to be awake much longer. Anxiety is a bitch!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can relate, I'm a fidgeter also ... especially when I am mentally tired, which is most of the time. The other thing is that I make noises, like tapping on my glass or snapping my straw on my teeth when I drink, or simulating complicated drum parts with my mouth, or any of about a dozen other tics. It gets embarassing when I realize I am doing it, and other people notice (or at least I imagine they do).

I guess 'tics' makes one think of Tourette's ... or possibly even a petit mal seizure, because sometimes I get so absorbed in the moment, the tapping, the 'tss-tss-tss'-ing, that I fall into a sort of trance. I've thought about this, but not done any research. For now, everything is covered under anxiety and nervousness. Effexor (side-effexor?) made me extremely agitated, like 3 or 4 triple espressos, and Celexa was similar ... Zoloft is kinder in that regard, for me at least.

Be good, okay?

3:55 PM, June 16, 2005  

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