Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Bad to worse

Things always seem to go from bad to worse. Despite getting out this weekend and doing stuff that was enjoyable, that joy was short lived, as it always is. Today was an incredibly difficult day for me. Shit kept piling on top of shit.

I had trouble fighting the urge not to take all the pills I have and just go to sleep. So instead I cut. I cut a lot and plan to do more cutting because I'm still upset by the rest of the days events.

I got yet another call about this fucking credit card debt. They are now threatening to have Mazda repo my car in order to get some money from me. That doesn't sound legal to me because the credit card is an unsecure debt and I didn't put the car up as collateral when I got the card. Heck, I didn't even have the car yet when I got the credit card. My car payment has always been paid on time so they would have no reason to repo it. Besides, even if they did, they'd sell it and keep the money to cover my debt with them. Why would they give the money to a credit card company? Whatever, it still got me even more upset and completely stressed out.

Then I go to the drug store to pick up my prescriptions and they're telling me the state won't let me get my prescriptions filled until November 18th?!? I only have pills to last until Saturday. So now I have to call DHS and tell them that when I went into the hospital, my pdoc told my parents to bring all the medications I had on hand to the hospital for disposal. So if I had any Zoloft or Seroquel left at that time, they were taken away. Last prescription I had filled was on Oct. 8th, when I got out of the hospital. So I need to get this new prescription or I'll be without meds for 2 weeks. More fucking stress.

I just can't handle all this crap. Stress on top of more stress. I've been having an anxiety attack almost all day and I can't calm down. I just fucking want to die already! Just let me get it all over with once and for all. I'm fucking ready to explode.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Im sorry things are going so bad for you right now. I wish you wouldnt cut yourself.
Just try and take your mind off the thoughts of dying, and try hard to focus on more pleasant things if you can. I know its not easy, but just try to do anything you can to keep your mind occupied o.k? Please take care of yourself.


12:06 AM, November 05, 2005  

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