Lurking

I'm here, lurking in the shadows. Occasionally I take a glimpse over at other blogs to see how everyone else is doing. Sometimes I leave a comment, other times I truly want to but can't seem to get the words out of my head. But I'm here.

I'm healing a bit more each day. Last night I was finally able to sleep on my left side after having been relegated to only the right due to the pain. Never realize how much you do something until you're left with the inability to do it. That was my thought quite a few times throughout this endeavor. Didn't realize the neck muscles were used for simple things like standing up or switching positions while sitting. Didn't realize just how many times I look to the left as I'm driving. A lot of painful slaps of reality.

Went to group last night. Turns out they had cancelled it last week so I didn't miss anything by being in the hospital. Next week is our final group though. They had hoped to be done by the end of this month, but we're rushing through the final pages to end early. The state changed it's regulations on funding for the community mental health clinics. Instead of the clinic receiving a lump sum each month based on the number of patients, the funding is now being issued by whether a patient shows up. Since our group is so small and most of the time there are only 2 or 3 of us, it is not financially feasible for them to continue it. I'm just glad they're allowing us to finish.

There is another group, I think on Monday nights, but I won't be joining it. It's run by the same women that ran the first DBT group I had joined that was eventually cancelled mid-way through. The one where the group leaders insisted I needed to talk more, that it wasn't fair to the others that I didn't share as much as everyone else. Not my fault some of the others loved to hear their own voices, plus there was no rule stating that you had to say a damn word. I may wait until the fall and do the day group, even though it's twice a week. I've been through the material once, so maybe going through it quicker a second time won't be so stressful.