Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Still doubting

I'm not sure what the hell I'm doing anymore. The days pass by in a complete blur as if I'm not consciously aware of my own existence. I know I'm here doing things on a daily basis, yet it seems as if I'm not really doing anything at all. Think maybe I need to become more productive during the day, maybe that would make me feel like I'm actually a part of the reality going on around me.

The kiddie saw her therapist today because tomorrow evening she has a choir concert. I really don't appreciate it when this woman starts questioning me about how I'm handling things. She couldn't seem to understand why I didn't believe my daughter when she told me she came clean to her "boyfriend". Couldn't seem to comprehend why I wasn't willing to immediately accept that as the truth. Um hello? BECAUSE SHE'S BEEN LYING TO ME AND EVERYONE ELSE FOR QUITE SOME TIME!! Fucking duh lady. What's so hard to understand about that?

The kiddie is the one that needs to earn my trust back since she is the one that broke it. I shouldn't just be expected to suddenly believe everything she's telling me, especially given her recent history. Sorry, but I'm not that naive. I gave her a second chance after the first time I confronted her and she chose to blow it by lying to me again. I know that I need to be open to accepting that she is trying to be honest and is trying to rebuild that trust, but so far I've seen nothing to indicate she's doing that. In fact, all I've seen is evidence that seems to point to the contrary. Evidence such as...

  • When I asked her what she said when she came clean to "boyfriend", she didn't seem to be able to answer. I had to ask if she came clean about specific things I know she's lied about.
  • She said she came clean to him before school. Two things make that hard for me to believe. One, she would only have had about 15 minutes to come clean about all this stuff before she had to start heading to class. Not a lot of time considering all she had to come clean about. And two, I know the layout of the school and given that all students are required to stay in the cafeterias or outside until the first bell rings, where would she have found a private spot to tell him? A good 70% of students take the bus and most of those buses arrive before I drop her off at school so the place is packed.
  • When I ask how he is reacting to all this, she says he hasn't had much to say. You'd think he'd be angry after learning a good portion of what she's told him was all lies, but so far she said he hasn't been. I realize she can't control his response, but it just seems far too odd that he wouldn't be really upset after supposedly learning the truth.
  • He called her cellphone yesterday, but instead of answering it she let it go to her voice mail, apparently because I was sitting right there. She left her cellphone at home today so I listened to the message. Didn't sound like the type of message a guy would leave after he just learned the girl he's supposedly in love with has been lying to him from day one.
  • Even though she supposedly came clean to her "boyfriend" and I know all there is to know, she wouldn't let me read the homework she wrote up for her therapist about the whole thing.

All those things just seem too out of place, too fishy for me to believe she really did tell him the truth. Maybe it's merely a sign of how deeply broken my trust in her is, but until it's proven otherwise, I will be very suspicious of anything she tells me.

My therapist said I should have her come up with a way to prove she did come clean, such as asking him to call me or something. After I mentioned I had considered calling him to find out the truth, she told me I shouldn't. Said I should leave it up to the kiddie to provide the proof herself since she is the one that needs to regain the trust. If she is being honest, this is one instance in which I will openly embrace being proven wrong.


Blogger Maggs said...

Oh what a mess. You don't need this shit. : (

7:12 PM, March 17, 2007  
Blogger Polar Bear said...

Yup. Sounds pretty suspicious to me too.

3:39 PM, March 18, 2007  

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