Friday, March 09, 2007

Unfathomable

My daughter came to me with some almost unfathomable news today. She told me that this morning, before school, she came clean to her "boyfriend". Told him that she does not have an eating disorder and has never had any alcohol in her life. That she doesn't have any friends in Canada or one that was dying of cancer. That she isn't this sexually promiscuous girl with the overactive sex drive she's been portraying. That she actually does get along with me. Came clean about everything that she could remember she had lied about.

Her therapist had given her homework on Wednesday. She was simply supposed to write out everything she would tell him if she were to come clean to him. What possessed her to actually fore go writing anything and instead speak the words directly to him I have no idea. From her actions and all that I've witnessed, I find it odd that she would just suddenly open up and tell him the truth like that.

I do have serious doubts that any of this really took place since my trust level with her is currently non-existent. But I do so desperately want this to be true. I even told her that. She's tried to assure me that this is the truth, but since he left on an academy class trip to St. Louis half way through the school day, I have no means to verify any of it.

At this point, if all this is true, I'd love to sit down with the two of them and have a nice long conversation. Certainly not to make any excuses for what she did, nor as a means to get him to forgive her. She has to take responsibility for her actions and it's up to him whether or not he's willing to look beyond this and start anew.

Guess I'd just like the opportunity to let him know that I'm not as "misguided" in the raising of my child as she made me out to be. That I am very involved in her life, that she allows and wants me to be. Explain that most of my reactions in terms of not allowing her to see him outside of school, taking away her cellphone and internet access were out of concern for her and her ability to handle herself properly, mostly around him, but also around others.

I would also explain that yes, I did have plenty of reservations about allowing her to see him after I found out about his drinking and drug use. But that all took a backseat in terms of importance once I found out she was building a false relationship with him by telling so many lies.

Ultimately I would like to see the two of them reconcile all this, even if only to be friends. I think they do have a lot in common and despite the lies, they both seem to genuinely care about each other. Guess it's a matter of seeing if this is all really true, that he's been made aware of the lies and seeing how he wants to proceed.

If he's not willing to forgive, as I myself wouldn't, I will be there to console my daughter. I'll reiterate some of the things I've told her throughout all this about how when she lies to others, she's really lying to herself, but try to do so without being overly preachy. Hopefully she will learn a very valuable lesson from this disaster, and not that she needs to cover up her lies better so she doesn't get caught. I hope she'll learn to just be herself. She's an amazingly fun person to be around. Very intelligent and very interesting. She doesn't need to make up stories to make life seem more attractive and exciting. She doesn't need to lie to garner sympathy or get attention.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Sandra said...

I hope your daughter is telling you the truth for a change.

10:28 PM, March 10, 2007  

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