Tuesday, April 03, 2007

A letter to the ex

I sent the following email to my ex today. Sometimes I think I'm too damn nice when it comes to the whole issue of money, child support and him. But I figure that in this situation, I might have better luck being nice than being the demanding bitch I want to be. Of course if the niceness doesn't work out, watch the fuck out because I'm getting really tired of allowing myself to be dicked around by him.

Dear Ex,

I'm putting in a request for $800 of the $2,000 income tax refund you're waiting on. This is to cover the following:

$150 - Half of the court costs for the bankruptcy that we still have to pay
$250 - Half of the cost of the driver's ed lessons the kiddie will be taking over the summer
$400 - Reimbursement for the money I paid to have your car fixed in December

Please note, it has been over a year since I received any money from you to help support our daughter or to pay for any of her school costs. While it isn't a whole lot, I'm also now covering the cost of her medical insurance, this is on top of the medical bills (co-pays, prescriptions) I've had to pay for her as well.

During this same time period, when you were supposed to be giving me money for support and didn't, I instead gave you at least $1,000 (that does include the $400 in car repairs). That is completely ass-backwards. Yes I do get money each month from the government, but the amount I receive basically puts us just above the poverty level. The only reason I seem to have money each month is because we are living with my parents and don't have to pay rent at the moment. We can't, don't want to and won't be living with them forever. Regardless of what my circumstances are though, this doesn't absolve you of your responsibility to help support your child.

I'm not exaggerating about how long it has been since I received any money from you either. The last time you gave me anything was when you agreed to give me last year's income tax refund of about $500 if I agreed to file jointly with you, otherwise I believe you would have owed the government money. That was in February of 2006.

I'm honestly not trying to be a bitch here. Given the circumstances, I don't think I'm being unreasonable in asking for this money. I think I've been more than patient and understanding by not pressing the support issue, and by helping you out over the years when you needed money. If I wanted to be a bitch I could easily contact the Department of Human Services and have them come after you for child support, something they can do even without us being divorced. (I'm not exactly sure that is true, but either way, I know he won't know if it is or not) However, I'd prefer to avoid that kind of ugliness.

I'd much rather you willingly accept your responsibility to support your child and start doing so on a regular basis. You have this extra cash coming in soon, so this is a good time to get started by honoring my request while you have the money. I don't know how much your income tax refund for this year is, but considering you're getting to use the deduction for the kiddie yet I'm providing all her support, I would hope you'd considering giving me a portion of that as well.


After re-reading that, I think I am being WAY too nice. Unfortunately it's already been sent and I can't unsend it. Guess we'll see what happens and go from there. I'm definitely going to look into the whole Dept of Human Services thing. It's something my therapist mentioned to me.


Blogger Polar Bear said...

Good letter, Sid. I wouldn't worry about being "too nice". While he doesn't deserve it, I think that the best way forward is to do this "nicely". I don't think being harsh or angry would make him respond more positively. I think your letter is really good. It is firm and reasonable.

Hope Dept of Human services can help. I think he should be paying support, or at least be forced to.

3:20 PM, April 03, 2007  
Blogger Maggs said...

not too nice. you said what you wanted and needed to. take the high road on this one. being classy sucks sometimes but i think you did good here.

how else are things??

10:21 PM, April 03, 2007  
Anonymous MB said...

Give him hell Sid!

I've been reading this blog for a while (but this is my first comment)he needs to start taking responsibility.

Hope the letter works x

12:37 AM, April 04, 2007  
Blogger anna said...

I hope it works!!!!

I just don't understand why some parents are such a-holes when it comes to taking care of their kids. My daughter's "father" is just the same.

8:12 AM, April 04, 2007  

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