Sunday, June 10, 2007

Want to leave it all

I can't take much more of the rage. It's becoming so blinding that all I can do is think of ways to harm myself. I'd love to shove all responsibility for our child, our financial disaster and all the other things I struggle with onto my ex. Just show up at his door with everything crammed into my car and leave it all for him to deal with. Walk away from the whole mess and never look back.

I'm so exhausted from the torment. I don't want to do life anymore. My next breath isn't worth the emotional hell I endure day in and day out.

5 Comments:

Anonymous anonymous mom said...

i hope you don't give up, sid. you will feel better again. you have before. hugs for you (((sid))).

12:30 PM, June 11, 2007  
Anonymous nadcesca said...

that is great that you can see and analize your past relationship. And to see that you are better off without a snake like that ex is great. keep the good work hon. Good Luck with thr new boy xx

3:36 PM, June 11, 2007  
Anonymous nadcesca said...

sorry about the comment there it wasn't suppose to be here. Please disregard it!

What I wanted to say for you is I understand how you feel. I spend so many time looking at the knife, the razor and telling myself do it, no don't, yes you know you have to do it, you'll feel better. Then I say I can't do it, my daughter still needs me she so young. I hope you will find a way to keep yourself safe. Hug
Nad xx

3:49 PM, June 11, 2007  
Blogger Stephen Atwood said...

Ahoy-- I know I've been gone for some time. I apologize. To tell the truth, I haven't really done much talking to anyone, so it's not just you I've been neglecting.

As with anything, you're not exactly in the brightest of moods lately. But then again, you have plenty of reason, and I don't exactly keep in touch because of your cherubic disposition (you have a remarkable knack for saying things plainly with no sugar-coating, and that's refreshing enough).

I used to know pretty well (I believe) how you're feeling. Maybe not to the full extent, but I had an inkling of an idea. That's why I find myself unable to judge you for your thoughts and feelings.

All I can do is hope that you hold on and see this whole ordeal through to the conclusion, and with some luck things will get better.

Doing my best to listen,
--Stephen.

6:13 PM, June 11, 2007  
Blogger Polar Bear said...

That's not fair. If you want me to hang in there, you must too.

I know it hurts, Sid. And I know acceptence (DBT skill) is hard. But there are just things out there that are bad for us for whatever reason and makes us angry and sad. We can't change those things. Just the way we feel. We can change that. Hard, difficult, yes, but possible.

Look at that. What a hypocrite I am.

I'm sorry, Sid.
I really am.

8:39 PM, June 11, 2007  

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