Sick and bitchy

I've been sick since last Friday and have spent most of the week either curled up in bed sleeping or dying on the couch. Can't figure out what is wrong because I don't have a fever or any sinus congestion, yet every inch of my body aches and my throat is very sore & scratchy. I can literally feel my body fighting an infection of some kind and it has drained me of all energy.

I debated about cancelling my T appointment for tomorrow, but that would have meant I had to cancel my daughter's as well. I'll just try and struggle through as best I can. Find the strength to stay upright even though I've felt like passing out each time I need to stand to get to the bathroom or upstairs to eat something.

Being sick only exacerbates my rage, so this was not a good week. I had to take the kiddie to the doctor to get a note excusing her from gym class because of her knee a couple of days ago. This was a new doctor we had to see because of the insurance she now has through the state. Walking into the office was like entering a third world country. I swear we were the only people there who were born in the United States, the only ones that could speak English fluently.

Why is it that we're paying for all these foreigners to come to our country and get free healthcare? I at least paid into the system for 20 years before I ever collected a cent of public assistance, so I have no guilt for getting what little help I have over the last three years. I only qualified for food stamps & free Medicaid coverage for the first 6 months after I lost my job in 2003. Once I was approved for disability in 2004, I supposedly made too much money to qualify for that help any longer, even though what I get paid each month isn't enough to put a roof over our heads and pay for the other necessities of life for myself & my daughter. We'd be homeless if the old people didn't let us stay here. I still don't even qualify for free healthcare for my daughter, I have to pay a monthly premium to the state and co-pays to the doctor.

I watched as family after family entered the office and from where I was seated I could see the Medicaid cards these people were handing over to the office staff to photocopy. Most had five or more names on them. And these were the full, 100% free coverage Medicaid cards (I know this because the ones that require premiums and co-pays are a different color, plus the office staff never asked any of them for a co-pay). How is it that these people can come here and get free benefits, yet those of us that need the help and have financially contributed to the program don't qualify? That is beyond fucked up.

Seeing the "doctor", who as far as I can tell isn't really a fucking doctor at all, he's a damn physician's assistant (are they even legally allowed to treat patients??) only made my anger worse. He didn't seem to want to listen to what I was telling him about my daughter's knee and didn't look at any of the information I'd brought in from the other doctors she's seen. He only wrote her a note excusing her from gym for one month.

I do appreciate that he ordered an MRI for her though so we can hopefully get whatever's wrong fixed, but I know the problem isn't going to be repaired in one fucking month so I'll have to go back again and get another note excusing her from gym. He didn't even fucking fax the order to the hospital like he said he would and since you can get a hold of a live human being when you call the doctor's office, I drove over there today to bitch them out and get the order myself so I could get the MRI scheduled.

I haven't talked to the kiddie's father in weeks, but I'm going to call him and tell him he HAS to get her on whatever insurance he just got from his employer. I can't deal with receiving the substandard kind of treatment she's getting and knowing there isn't a whole hell of a lot I can do about it because almost no one accepts that insurance.