Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Doesn't get any more terrifying

It's been quite some time since I've had any nightmares, and I was really hoping that the worst ones were over with now that I'm no longer taking Seroquel. But much to my horror, I had one of the most disturbing ones of my life yesterday. It so rocked me to the core that it's taken more than 24 hours to even bring myself to write about it.

A typical nightmare is when something horrible is happening to me, but the people and places in it are completely unfamiliar. When that anonymity is gone and I know exactly where I am and who I'm with, the terror becomes tenfold. And when the horror isn't happening to me, but instead is happening to someone I love, it doesn't get any more terrifying than that.

I was in my bedroom, sitting on my bed when my daughter burst into the house screaming & crying and ran down the stairs to the bathroom. I stepped out of the bedroom into the family room just as she passed by and her head was all bloody. For some reason, my first reaction was to run outside. When I did, I don't remember seeing anything, but I picked up what looked like two divots near the front step. As I walked back downstairs towards the bathroom I looked at the one in my left hand and it was just that, a clump of dirt and grass. When I held up my right hand, it took a second to comprehend, but I quickly realized that I was holding more than just a bunch of my daughter's hair....she'd actually been scalped!

I shot out of bed the instant I realized what had happened and couldn't shake the image from my head all day. Where does something like that come from? How do you dream of something so shocking happening to the one person you love most in the world? It was extremely difficult trying to get to sleep last night and I can already tell it'll be hard again tonight, the details are still so vivid. If it were possible, I'd never sleep again to avoid ever experiencing a terror like that.


Anonymous IndigoRose from Living In My Black Fog said...

OMG! That is horrible. Sorry to hear that. Have you talked to your doctor about these nightmares?

11:15 PM, September 28, 2010  
Blogger Handsome B. Wonderful said...

I don't know where that stuff comes from but I get those nasty, bloody, awful nightmares too. I do know that some meds increase nightmares (especially Risperdal). But I have always had those kinds of dreams; even as a kid.

I think a lot of it is that our brains are traumatized. Especially those of us with PTSD. So the subconsciousness is trying to express the trauma in dreams, and it comes out all horrific because what we have to go through is horrific.

1:00 PM, September 30, 2010  

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