Friday, July 06, 2012

Humanity is cracked

Lately I've felt so blank, with so little brain activity that it's almost as if I'm on life support. The machines are keeping basic bodily functions going, but my head is in a chronic vegetative state.

I've managed to cut my Depakote dose by 50% and next week the dose of maprotiline will also be cut to 50% from the 75% I've already reduced it. I'm slowly weaning down, never reducing both meds at the same time. Alternating weeks and monitoring how I feel. So far I've felt no change at all. Emotionally I feel the same and the neurological problems are still present.

I've avoided leaving the house whenever possible, for my own safety and that of those around me, because I can no longer tolerate stupid and inconsiderate people. Driving is the absolute worst rage trigger for me. I try to go with the flow and not let things get to me, but it's really hard not to get pissed off when so many people aren't even following the basic rules of the road. Like checking to make sure no one else is next to them before trying to get in my lane. Or the mass of fucktards that are now blatantly running red lights daily with no regard for anyone's safety.

Of course there are plenty of other situations where people are being extremely inconsiderate and instead of just holding my tongue, I'm now calling people out on their bullshit. I don't bitch and complain because something is taking awhile when there's a legitimate reason, but if a cashier is just chitty-chatting with another customer about nothing (which happened recently), I'm going to speak up about how rude it is to keep others waiting in line while you talk about little Johnny's splinter.

It's sad that so many people have become self-absorbed. Sad that so many people don't know what it means to be polite and considerate. The foundation of humanity is cracked and ready to fall to pieces.


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