Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Therapist is actually nice

My new therapist is actually pretty nice. Her voice is very calming. She asked a lot of questions too. She had read my chart from the previous therapist, but still we spent our time as a "getting to know you" session. She could see how depressed I was and I think if I hadn't been very careful on how I answered some of her questions she would have sent me to the hospital. She wanted me to contract for safety, and promise to call for help if I felt suicidal, but I told her I couldn't make that promise. I was happy that she didn't want to stop me from cutting. She understands that it is a coping mechanism, albeit a bad one, and until I can learn more healthful ways she wasn't going to push me to stop.

She didn't beat around the bush about anything, was very straight forward. I really liked that. I've had a few therapists in the past that treated me as if I was retarded simply because I'm mentally ill. That my illnesses somehow lower my IQ. It's incredibly insulting. But this woman was very friendly and respectful.

All in all, it was a really good session. I panicked when she asked if I could wait 2 weeks to see her again because of the holiday next Monday. Guess she saw the panic in my face because she then offered to come out next Wednesday so I wouldn't have to wait so long. First time any therapist has ever offered to alter their schedule like that for me. They usually just leave you high & dry and expect you to deal with it. I give her kudos for that.

I see my pdoc of Friday. This Lithium crap isn't doing anything for me except making me feel like shit. I'm still feeling nauseous all the time whether I've eaten or not. Constantly have a headache and my jaw has been aching since I started on the stuff. I'm totally drained of all energy too...though that could be from the depression. I think I'm ready to give up on the medications. Wonder how he'll respond to that. Guess we'll find out soon enough.


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