Friday, November 05, 2004

Just taking a break

I'm just taking a break from my obsessive compulsive cleaning. Got one room done and still have 2 to go. I've never been able to go away somewhere for more than 2 days without cleaning the house spotless before I go. I don't know if I'm worried that people will come by while I'm gone and see a mess. I know I hate coming back to a dirty house. Maybe it's both. I do have to get cracking though, I only have a few more hours until we hit the road, and I'm not going to be able to leave until this is done. Plus I need to do laundry...aaaarrrrgggghhhhh!

We decided to drive up to Milwaukee tonight. Gives us more time to relax. We found a nice suite at a hotel north of the city. Place has a beautiful atrium with a nice restaurant, plus an indoor pool. I think it'll be a nice getaway for the both of us. We found a different hotel we liked, a four star one with real silk fabrics and a marble bathroom, but I couldn't justify spending $170 a night. That's just too far out of my budget right now.

I'm excited and nervous about going up there. I really want to go, but the anxiety is already getting high. What if something happens, like I have a panic attack and can't go to the concert. I have such an awful time being in confined spaces with lots of people, and a small, packed concert hall seems like more than I can handle. I keep telling myself to just relax, I can't predict the future, everything will be okay...but I don't think my brain is really listening.

I've already packed my meds, so maybe I'll take an extra Paxil before we head out to the concert. I'm afraid I'm going to drink heavily to take my mind of the anxiety. That would be a very bad thing. Think I'll start telling myself now that I can't drink, it's not an option for many reasons. Cognitive therapy right? Change your internal dialogue and keep repeating the new dialogue, sooner or later you're supposed to believe it.


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