Complete waste of time

Well letting my pdoc read a bit of my blog was a complete & insulting waste of time. I had given him the Nov 23rd one where I talked about going off my meds and also the Nov. 29th one where I talked about how I couldn't give myself permission to die because I don't have plans in place for the care of my daughter once I'm gone. When he read the 23rd one, all he did was chuckle and didn't say anything...what the fuck was that all about?? When he read the 29th one, all he said was that those were some powerful words...then he handed both of the pages back to me. That's it. That's all the response I got out of the fucker.

I take that back, that's not the only response I got. He did ask how I planned to kill myself. As if I'd be stupid enough to answer that and give him a reason to have me locked up. Told him I had no actual plan, just a basic timeline of when I plan to carry this out. Told him I'm just looking to sustain life for the next month. After that, I don't give a shit what happens to me.

This is why I don't put myself on the line and open up to people because this is the same bullshit I've always gotten. Complete lack of interest and total invalidation of anything I may be feeling. As if no one gives a fuck that I'm a living, breathing, FEELING person. They just want me out of their way, and if by chance I am involved in any aspect of their lives, I'm just supposed to shut the fuck up and do whatever it is they want me to do. These are the same people that are trying to keep me from killing myself...WHY? It's incredibly apparent to me that no one except my daughter gives a flying fuck about me...why the fuck should they care if I'm dead??

FFFFFUUUUCCCCKKKK MMMMEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!