Monday, December 13, 2004

The raging lunatic gets the job done

Amazing how fast people are willing to do stuff for you when you tell them you're a raging lunatic. I got a call from the Medicaid office today, asking me all these questions for my application. The woman said it could take 45 days to get it processed. Of course I lost it on her & went off because...I literally am a raging lunatic. Told her I could fucking be dead in 45 days. She kept telling me to contact the old office since they're the ones that closed my old case and the reason why a new one had to be opened. After trying to explain the whole situation again, she finally the way, what is your disability. So I told her. Of course there is that moment of silence I usually get...that awkward minute that it takes for what I've said to be processed by the other person's brain, have it register & then they realize, this really is lunatic on the phone that could come down and go postal on my ass. So she offers to talk to the office administrator & see what else they can do for me & she'll call me back. 10 mins later, I get a call back saying all I need to do is come down to the office and sign a paper stating I am a US citizen and one other paper. Gee...if it was that simple, why the fuck couldn't they have just done that in the first place a long time ago & saved me all this fucking hassle???? Fucking morons!!!

So now they have me all enraged, which easily could have been avoided; and I really fucking want to cut & drink myself into a stupor. I'm going to work on the drinking. I'll cut after the kiddie is in bed if I still feel the need later.

This whole fucking day has been crappy. The kiddie volunteered me to be a chaperone for the chorus trip, so I had to do that this morning. Of course I felt like shit this morning and didn't want to go, but I had no way out of it. So I had to drive her to school, come home, get ready & then go back out to the school to go on this damn trip when all I wanted to do was curl up in bed cuz I feel like death. Luckily there wasn't room on the bus, so I got to drive in the silence of my own car.

The kids were fairly good, with the exception of one group, whose behavior was completely unacceptable to me. All the kids were supposed to dress jeans, no gym shoes...and most did. But there was one group of students that didn't bother to. This same group also tried to run around the mall when they weren't supposed to. What I don't understand is...all the kids in this group were black. Now I do not consider myself to be a racist. The few friends I have are from all different ethnic backgrounds. But all I could think is what the hell is going on with the blacks in my community? Do they not teach their children manners, respect and how to behave in public? I just don't understand it; and the fact that it was divided along racial lines made it even stranger.

Had I been the chorus teacher, I wouldn't have allowed anyone that wasn't dressed appropriately to go, regardless of race. It's great that the kids want to be involved, but I guess it comes back to my lack of tolerance for people doing things half ass. If you're going to do it, do it 100%. She sent home a notice with all the kids telling them the dress code for the event and everyone should have followed it if they planned on going.

Another thing that pissed me off was that there were several other parents at the show. Why the fuck didn't they volunteer to chaperone if they were going to be there anyway? Two of the other chaperones took off work to be there. Yet all these other parents could easily have done it because it was obvious they didn't work, at least not today. Parents really need to get more involved at school than they are.

After the show I did manage to xmas shop for the kiddie though. I just went and bought her pretty much everything on her xmas list...$350 worth of xbox games, cd's, dvd's and board games. I did buy a few things that weren't on there, but things I know she'll love. I did buy myself something too. Finally found the dvd for Girl, Interrupted so I had to buy it. Love that movie. Of course the kiddie saw it & said "mom, you're not supposed to buy your own xmas presents". Oh well.

This fucking laryngitis stuff is sinking into my chest. I'm having trouble breathing now. At this rate, maybe I'll get pneumonia and die. Wishful thinking again..dammit. Guess I'll go drink faster. Maybe the jack will kill whatever it is that's trying to kill me.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ive spent the last couple of days acting like a lunatic,Ive been an absolute mess,flying into rages,going off on everybody,I dont know what happened.Its as if something got into me and took over.I dont feel so good about myself right now,and all that self pity,I feel so pathetic. Who am I to be giving you advice,telling you not to take your life and then tell you Im going to take mine.The rational side of me says its not right but I just dont know how to get out of this mess. You know I just wanted to say that its really amazing to me with all the problems you have that you love your daughter as much as you do.You care so much about her and always want the best for her.I know people who have no problems or illnesses and they couldnt care less about their kids,I think thats pretty amazing.You should give yourself a lot more credit,your a great parent and in my opinion thats the greatest thing a person can achieve.I just wanted to tell you that,Ill see ya. T.M

11:27 PM, December 13, 2004  
Blogger maddog said...

Sid, just wanted you to know,someone cares about you and
I think you do not give yourself enough credit you are a good Mom in spite of your illness.I am a borderline too I get what you are going thru, I went off my meds 3 months ago. I am still seeing my pdoc, play the game I say,I have been waiting a year for a theraphy go figure, medicaid is nuts. Good for you going off and getting them off their asses!

7:29 AM, December 14, 2004  

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