Wish I were alone somewhere

I'm finding just about everyone completely irritating lately. Their voices are like nails on a chalkboard...makes my skin crawl. I find myself wishing I could just disappear. Wishing I could be alone some place completely secluded with no light, no noise, nothing...dead.

Been thinking I need to decide what to do about my pdoc. Have an appointment scheduled in 2 wks and I should probably cancel. Not taking any meds anymore, so there's really no point in seeing him. I'm worried if I do call though, I'll say what I've been thinking lately. Thinking that his time would be better spent trying to help those that are actually responding to treatment and that there is no point in seeing him any longer because I'm terminally ill, my time is running out.

Guess I'll wait at least until next week before I call. Need to get those thoughts out of my head so I don't get my ass locked up. Need to find the bitch inside that keeps spilling the beans on my intentions and lock her away before she takes over my brain again and ruins everything. I do not want to be in the hospital ever again...especially not during the holidays!