Thursday, November 18, 2004

Going off my meds

I've been thinking about going off my meds, cleaning my system out and maybe starting over. I don't know what else to try. My pdoc hasn't returned my call about the new med he prescribed for me that my insurance won't cover. Think he's ready to give up on me. Can't say I blame him. Everyone seems to want to give up on me, including myself, because I'm not getting anywhere.

I feel blah today. The anxiety is higher than it has been in awhile and I'm starting to get that feeling like I want to rip my skin off. Think I'll end up cutting before too long. I can't stand this feeling. Started feeling it when I was 13 and I still haven't gotten used to it.

The kiddie was upset after school yesterday. She thinks several of her teachers are treating her unfairly. Being rude to her or snippy. Actually, when I asked what was wrong she said everything went wrong today. Applying some of the stuff I've learned in therapy, I told her that it would be impossible for everything to go wrong. We then talked about things that went right. She made it to school on time, she got to go to the student council meeting she thought she was going to miss. She had all her homework done. Told her to stay away from the word "everything" because it paints a worse picture than there really is.

We then went class by class to talk about which teachers she felt were giving her problems and how to handle it. We worked together to come up with solutions. One was more her fault than the teacher's. She didn't have a red pen to grade someone else's homework with because she forgot it in her locker. I told her to always make sure she has a red pen in her purse. Even if the teacher didn't require it in her list of supplies at the beginning of the year, it was better to be prepared than to get yelled at. Plus she needs the red pen for other classes.

As for the two other teachers that seemed to be out of getting mad and moving her desk for talking when she wasn't and the other yelling at her for being late to class even though she had a pass from her previous teacher...I told her they were probably just having bad days. If she knew she did nothing wrong she should calmly tell the teacher what happened because if she got upset, the teacher would just be more angry. Told her that sometimes people are angry at one thing, but end up taking it out on someone else. It isn't fair, but you have to brush it off as their problem not yours and try not to let it upset you.

After our talk, she was in a good mood. It's important for me to help her work through things instead of just having her stew and not know what to do with her emotions. I don't want her to end up like me.


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