Thursday, November 11, 2004

Had a good time

Had a good time at the Good Charlotte shows. Milwaukee is one fucking boring town though. We'll never stay there again. Instead we'll just drive up the night of the show and come home's only an hour & a half drive. The pics I took in Milwaukee didn't come out because the flash wasn't working so I took more in Chicago. Haven't had the energy to leave the house to get them developed yet. Maybe tomorrow.

The kiddie had fun too but she was getting whiney both nights while we were waiting for the bands to come on. It really pissed me off, I wanted to slap her. Kept telling her to just relax and to think about how great the show will be. Didn't work. Once the bands came on she was fine. I really need to have a talk with her about that, find out why exactly she was so whiney. She kept giving me bullshit answers at the shows like people around her were talking too loud. Don't know why she thought I'd buy that one...specially from a kid that is always talking.

I did have a panic attack at the Chicago show. It was just too crowded for me. Think the only reason I didn't have one in Milwaukee is because I started drinking as soon as the doors opened. Had about 8 beers. Not enough to get me drunk, but enough to take my mind off the emotional stress I know I was in.

Wasn't able to sleep since last Friday, though I was dead tired. I finally got a little sleep last night. Don't think it was nearly enough. The emotional toll this weekend had on me was enormous. Trying to stay upbeat and enjoy myself despite being depressed is extremely hard.

So much for the bullshit people keep trying feeding me about staying positive. That may actually work for someone with situational depression, but not for someone that has a true chemical imbalance. All it does for me is drain me of every ounce of physical energy I may have had and makes me emotionally crash. I'm far more depressed now than I was before we left for Milwaukee last Friday.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi again. Im glad you had a good time on your trip.Crowds make me nervous too,I try to avoid them as much as possible. I hope I didnt make you mad when I gave you that advice the other day,you probably thought I sounded pretty sappy uh? I dont like it either when people tell me to try to snap out of it because it doesnt work that way,I know.I have a chemical imbalance too but I really want to get better and be a better person because I dont want this thing to control my life and I dont want people to hate me so Im going to have to keep taking meds till something finally works. I hope you can find something too because I know it sucks to feel this way. Good luck,see ya. T.M

11:38 PM, November 11, 2004  

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