Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Haven't been having fun

Been quite a few days since I've been here, and trust me, I haven't been having fun. I did decide to go off all my medications. What I've been going thru since last Thursday, I can only liken to detox. I haven't ever been thru detox, but I've seen it portrayed in movies & on tv, and I've been going thru exactly what they show. The sweats, the shaking, the vomiting, sleeping any chance I can get. Sick as fucking hell.

I think the meds are worse than going through all this crap to get off them though. I don't think the meds were making things better. I think they just put you into so much of a fog you can't concentrate on how fucking shitty everything still is. Since I stopped taking them, most of the noise in my head has stopped. I've had no problem being able to release the rage I couldn't before. The tears that wouldn't come before have begun to finally come out. I can feel...something I haven't been able to really do for the last two years I've been on these meds.

My brain still feels fried, but the feeling is lessening each day. Can't even describe the feeling. It's almost a dizziness but without the spinning. Like a section of my brain fell asleep and won't wake up, but I need it to because it's vital to my being able to function at 100%.

After coming off these meds, my thinking is starting to clear and I no longer believe this bullshit the mental health "professionals" are feeding me about a chemical imbalance and how I needed to be on meds to control it. I think that's a fucking crock of shit they made up to gain control over people and convince them they need to be on these meds so that they can be turned into mindless drones. I do believe in mental illness, but I don't think there has been any medical advances and the "professionals" are just as clueless as to how to treat it as they were 100 years ago. The meds they have now just offer varying degrees in which a person can be placed into a zombie-like state so they can be better controlled and so they don't realize their problems haven't improved but have just been masked by the fucking "medication".


Post a Comment

<< Home