And the word of the day is...
Learned a new word today...anhedonia. The book I found it in, Undoing Depression by Richard O'Connor, Ph.D., said it was the technical term for a depressed person's inability to experience joy. The official definition is: a psychological condition characterized by inability to experience pleasure in normally pleasurable acts. The reason I honed in on this word, and particularly Dr. Connor's definition, is because of something I learned during my limited time in DBT which contradicts it.
I was told during my DBT group that even when depressed we have periodic moments of joy each day, even if just for a minute. Those moments maybe difficult to identify because we're trapped in the negative, dark cloud of depression, but they are there. So I'm now wondering if I was being fed false information in the DBT group. It seems as if they were also saying that borderline and depression go hand in hand, though I've read that is not always the case. Guess the reason this is even an issue is because if I feel the group isn't being honest and providing accurate information, I'm not going to want to join again and it's the only DBT group relatively nearby. This going on the assumption that I somehow manage to stay alive and get to the point again where I believe DBT may actually be helpful.
Why do I do this? Why do I worry about things that have absolutely no bearing on my life in the present moment? I may not live long enough to have it even matter whether I've been given the correct info, why the fuck am I letting it bother me now? Analyze every detail, whether I need to or not. Gawd that's annoying! Wish I could disconnect the brain circuitry that causes me to do this.
2 Comments:
Sid,
Perhaps Dr O'Connor is simply stating his theory. And that is all it is. A theory. It may be applicable to some people and not others.
Similarly with the DBT group suggestion that Borderline and depression goes hand in hand. I don't think you were fed "false" information as such. Again, perhaps it is simply a theory.
Most times though,and also from experience, I think BPD does come with a bit of depression or even dysthemia because of the difficulties that we face with borderline traits.
Still, it doesn't have to apply to everyone.
Hey Sid,remember me?I havnt gotten tired of you or anything,its just that our computer broke down and we just got it back today.But anyway,Im
not sure about clinical depression but I certainly think having a mental illness would make anyone depressed.All of these different illnesses get me so confused,I cant tell what I am anymore.I have many symptoms of so many different things,all of the tests I take say something different or that I have just about everything.The doctors say Im clinically depressed but I dont think so,I think Im depressed because Im screwed up and have no life.I tried to except that I was just depressed but then you keep saying so many things that sound like what I go through,especially when you talk about your feelings constantly changing and not having an identity,feeling dead because you dont know who you are and reflecting off of another identity.I dont know who I am,Im like a different person in different places,if you asked different people to describe me it would be like they were talking about different people.My life is just a long list of stuff like this,Im such a mess,I feel like a computer thats gone completley haywire,do you know what I mean?It doesnt sound much like clinical depression does it?When you were young didnt you feel scared and isolated,feeling like you were in another world,thinking that you were the only one going through this.Its been so strange just recently finding out that other people are going through things like this.Reading your blog and some others has made me feel much better,now I feel like theres somewhere I can go where I dont feel so isolated,its kind of like therapy dont you think?Speaking of therapy I hope yours is going well,you sound so much better than you did. T.M
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