Saturday, April 16, 2005

Another show

The kiddie and I are going to see Sum 41 again. They'll be back in Chicago on June 4th. I'm looking forward to it because their cd Chuck is about the only thing I've been listening to lately. I'll be the old fat ugly redhead singing along with all their songs. What can I say, just cuz I've gotten older doesn't mean I have to stop liking the same kind of music.

Almost 2 am and I'm sitting here eating Starbursts. Probably not a wise idea. As if I need a sugar buzz right now. I'm already wide awake despite having only gotten 4 hours of sleep last night. It's so damn frustrating because I know if I'd just take the Seroquel, I'd be out in no time. I think it's a control issue with me. I can't control what time I fall asleep on the medication, so I refuse to take it until I'm either beyond bored or absolutely need to get to sleep. That allows me some sense of control, even if it is only imaginary in my head. If I were truly in control, I'd quit withholding adequate sleep from myself when I have the aid to do it handy at all times.

The kiddie and I went to see Fever Pitch yesterday. It was a good movie and quite funny. It's been a long time since I was in a theater and the entire audience erupted in laughter. I seem to be laughing more than everyone else around me though. Not louder or anything, just at more parts of the movie. Guess my own interpretation offered more opportunities for laughter. That or the voices in my head were making me laugh at inappropriate times. In any case, we had a good time.

And speaking of Sum 41...here's a song of theirs that I'd add to the soundtrack of my life.

THERE'S NO SOLUTION

maybe nothing else will ever be so clear
or maybe that's only my fear
if just for one day I wish I could disappear
just take me far from here
maybe I'd find out nothing new
maybe I'd end up just like you

there's no solution (no solution)
give me truth to my conviction
is my own confusion
reality or fiction
am I out of my mind?

the constant pressure that keeps hanging over me
it makes me feel so empty
it's more than anything that I could ever be
what else could you take from me
it's getting harder to relate
don't want to make the same mistakes

there's no solution (no solution)
give me truth to my conviction
is my own confusion
reality or fiction
am I out of my mind?

it took me so long to find out
it's right there in front of me
too close to see
what I thought was true
I see right through
what's killing you

there's no solution (I can't see)
give me truth to my conviction
is my own confusion (that I feel)
reality or fiction
am I out of my mind?

so maybe nothing else will be so clear
or maybe that's only my fear (am I out of my mind)
if just for one day I wish I could disappear
just take me far from here (am I out of my mind)

2 Comments:

Blogger Humblejohn said...

Hi Sid,
I'm with ya on the sleep issues all the way. My sleep patterns have been so fucked up the last few years. All the shit that seems to go on in my life continiously keeps me wound up like a three day clock. When will all the noise go away? Glad to hear you had fun at the concert. As I have said before I've been reading your blog for a while now and It's good to hear that you do have some "good times". Focus on those times Sid and it may lead you to more good times...Hell of a preacher I am...I haven't slept 2 consecutive hours in 3 days.LOL

11:39 AM, April 16, 2005  
Blogger borderline savvy said...

Sid,
I'm also glad that you enjoyed the concert, and am delighted that you enjoyed the movie even more than those around you. God knows you need a good laugh.

I was wondering if there was any way to look at taking Seroquel as a way you have to control your sleep or not. There has to be some sort of regular curve to its effects, with it inducing sleep at say 45 minutes from taking it or whatever. I don't know if that would give you a feeling of control. I know that when I take some meds, I am aware of how long they take to kick in, and so plan my time around that. Just a thought. Sleep control/punishment is not my thing, so I probably can't relate very well...

I can see why the song appealed to you. So what if you're singing the same songs? You're singing! That's the important thing. At least it is to me.
Hope you get some sleep tonight.
Hugs,
Suzanne

9:37 PM, April 16, 2005  

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