Monday, April 11, 2005

Professional idiots

I'm still so fucking hyped up I haven't been able to sleep at all. Stayed awake all night. So today, with all this damn fucking extra energy that's bizarre and driving me crazier than I already am, I worked on cleaning up my desk and dealing with a bunch of crap I'd just put off to the side. I have a basket I keep on my desk, that by sheer luck I got with a gift and it just happens to be a about 9x13 in size. Big enough for bills, school papers, magazines, mail I don't wanna deal with, papers I need but haven't found a place to file yet...all that crap that most people have piled all over their desk. Keeps it all in one nice tidy spot. Anyway, there is a point to this madness I swear.

In the basket I found some notes I had taken on one of our trips to Barnes & Noble. The kiddie and I like to go, pick out a bunch of books and peruse them while sipping on Venti Mocha's in the little Starbucks cafe. I usually head to the psychology or self help sections and on this visit I grabbed the book 'Bodily Harm' by Karen Conterio & Wendy Lader Phd. Those two women founded S.A.F.E. Alternatives, a program for self injury.

I skimmed through the entire book, reading sections that I thought might be useful. There were of course statements that I personally found very disturbing and incorrect. So I can finally throw this paper out that's been sitting around for a month, here they are:

1) Those with "punk rock" appearances are basically all hurting and are reflecting their "ugliness" on the inside on the outside with their dress. Ok...I was a punk in my teenage and young adult years. Had a mohawk once, even shaved my entire head except for my bangs. Had multiple piercings before it was "the in thing" to do. Wore all kinds of strange clothes. I suppose I still am a punk in a lot of respects, I just can't get away with those fashions and purple hair now without looking entirely foolish and embarrassing the kiddie. Anyhow, I didn't dress that way to reflect the ugliness inside, that NEVER entered into the equation...for me or any of my friends either. Obviously the writers have no clue about the whole 'punk' scene and what the driving force behind it is.

2) Self injury is designed to command maximum attention What?? This one certainly doesn't apply to me and I don't believe it applies to most people. I cut for 20 years before anyone had a clue I did it and they wouldn't have known if I hadn't said something. I have always kept my injuries hidden. I don't do it to gain any attention from anyone. It's a very private thing for me, and I think it is for most people.

3) Parents that self injure typically report troubled relationships with their children I'd love to know where they got this from and how many parents they talked to. Again, this definitely does not apply to me. I have an amazing relationship with my daughter. Better than anything I could have expected given the complete lack of relationship I have with my own parents.

4) Emotionally unable to care for dependents I must be one strange cookie, even in the world of the mentally ill, because I just don't have this problem either. Even though I can't be there emotionally for myself, I've never had a problem being there for my child, especially in an emotionally loving & supportive role. I give her validation for her feelings and have taught her positive coping skills.

Those are just the few that I wrote down, but there were quite a few statements that really bothered me. I'm guessing the sample size of people they interviewed to obtain this information was pathetically small and does not properly represent the masses.

Another thing they mentioned, which I have seen recently come up on a borderline board I belong to on Yahoo, is that the majority of people getting tattoos and piercings do so as a form of self injury. I don't have the exact statement, but it was along those lines. Again, I think that may apply to a very small percentage, but it certainly is not common amongst those that are into body modification.

I really take issue when I read stuff from supposed experts in a certain subject, yet they obviously are lacking some basic knowledge. They're taking their theories and applying them against an entire population without doing adequate research. I'm sure that these statements are actually true for a majority of the patients they see. However you can't take that and make a generalization across the board for everyone that fits a particular demographic. Makes me think the writers are just professional idiots.

With that said, I need to go finish something. I still need to write about what happened with the ex last night. It's the main reason behind why I stayed up all night. Disturbing...


Blogger borderline savvy said...

You certainly found an interesting book. You're right--total idiots. I have always been very private about cutting, too, and have only recently been admitting to it to t's and pdocs. When I was a book editor, I helped work on a book on body decoration around the world. I don't suppose those "experts" ran across that book, and it was a reference book, so should have come up in their "research."

I want to hear about you and your ex... I'm sorry that it was bad enough to keep you up all night. Just a question, but are you sure you're not bipolar with all these difficulties sleeping and having so much energy. None of my business, but I just thought I'd ask. Someone asked me that, too, one time, because I was doing so badly that I over-compensated by turning on the flashy smile at work, then going home and falling apart. I'm definitely unipolar and it's in the downward direction. Anyway, glad you got some work done. I need to do more of that.
Love and hugs,

11:35 PM, April 11, 2005  

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