Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Still awake at 3 am

It's quickly headed towards 3 am and I'm still keeping myself awake. Keep looking at the Seroquel and saying to myself " can't make me take you. I can stay awake forever if I want to". Stupid move to purposely keep myself awake when I so wanted to sleep just a few days ago. Do I constantly need to be in a tortureous state? What do I gain from being in one? Suppose I should explore those questions and see if I can come up with any answers.

I was thinking earlier as I read other people's blogs. Thinking about how I respond mentally to the comments I receive and the ones I leave for others. The hypocrisy I feel because I honestly have hope for others and believe the advice I give may help them. But when people offer up that same advice to me I sometimes think, "That doesn't apply to me, I can't do those things". As the saying goes, it's always better to give than receive. Wonder if most people would agree that most definitely applies to advice.

And solely because I'm the queen of guilt, and I do genuinely feel guilty about this for some reason...I just want to let you guys that do leave comments on my blog know that I do read them all and do try my hardest to take your advice to heart. It's just the negative, pessimistic side of me that doesn't want to listen. I know that I should probably respond more to the comments, especially when questions are asked, but I often just draw a blank. Same thing happens when I read other blogs. I want to comment but a lot of times I just draw a complete blank as to what to say. So just know that I am continually reading your blogs and do empathize with most of what you post.

As for emails...I am running a little behind in responding there, but I will reply eventually.


Blogger Polar Bear said...


I understand how you feel. Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite myself too. It's like I can give advice and even believe in someone else, but when it comes to my own problems and my own little world, it's hard to actualyl take my own advice.

But I'm starting to realise too that I need to put in more effort, and work harder at trying to over come my problems by applying DBT skills. It's been really helpful sometimes, and not at other times.

5:32 PM, April 13, 2005  
Blogger borderline savvy said...

I, too, understand about feeling like a hypocrit for giving out well-meaning advise but not taking my own advise. But here's the deal: At least with me, your advise has been very valuable and your support needed with gratitude.

So just curious--why are you not taking the Seroquel if it will help put you to sleep? Do you not want to sleep? That concerns me, but then I am a marathon sleeper and don't understand people who don't sleep much at night. Is it possible that your lack of sleep is contributing to your mood? Just a thought...

6:01 PM, April 13, 2005  

Post a Comment

<< Home