Still awake at 3 am

It's quickly headed towards 3 am and I'm still keeping myself awake. Keep looking at the Seroquel and saying to myself "ha...you can't make me take you. I can stay awake forever if I want to". Stupid move to purposely keep myself awake when I so wanted to sleep just a few days ago. Do I constantly need to be in a tortureous state? What do I gain from being in one? Suppose I should explore those questions and see if I can come up with any answers.

I was thinking earlier as I read other people's blogs. Thinking about how I respond mentally to the comments I receive and the ones I leave for others. The hypocrisy I feel because I honestly have hope for others and believe the advice I give may help them. But when people offer up that same advice to me I sometimes think, "That doesn't apply to me, I can't do those things". As the saying goes, it's always better to give than receive. Wonder if most people would agree that most definitely applies to advice.

And solely because I'm the queen of guilt, and I do genuinely feel guilty about this for some reason...I just want to let you guys that do leave comments on my blog know that I do read them all and do try my hardest to take your advice to heart. It's just the negative, pessimistic side of me that doesn't want to listen. I know that I should probably respond more to the comments, especially when questions are asked, but I often just draw a blank. Same thing happens when I read other blogs. I want to comment but a lot of times I just draw a complete blank as to what to say. So just know that I am continually reading your blogs and do empathize with most of what you post.

As for emails...I am running a little behind in responding there, but I will reply eventually.